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Rosie Rees

I don’t believe we lose our power, I believe we give it away; sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously.

Power often has a negative connotation and is likened to control, domination and having authority over someone or something.

This is not the power I am speaking about today.

Your true power is your light.

It is your essence.

Your Shakti energy.

Your magnetism.

That brilliant inner radiance that burns bright within you.

Your womanhood.

Your heart.

Your womb.


This month I have been teaching Women’s Nude Yoga workshops themed on the topic ‘Reclaiming Your Power’ and I have uncovered many MANY different ways women give away their power. 

{Check out the latest Brisbane’s Nude Yoga photo!)

When you have given your power away you feel disempowered, depleted, depressed and resentful; you feel it in your bones, the depth of your breath, your mind and your body.

Tune in for a moment and notice where you feel you are giving away your power in your life?

Here are 5 common ways we give away our power:


1. Addictions


When we are addicted to something outside of ourselves, we think we need it to feel satisfied, alive, whole free, etc. When we’re addicted on drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, coffee, drama, checking social media a million times a day, we are relying on an external force to validate ourselves.

Addictions are the most obvious form of disempowerment because the truth is, we have everything we need within us now. (Easier said than done…I know!)

Take a moment and notice what crutch you reach for when you’re feeling lonely, confused, sad, depressed, anxious?

Do you call a friend and go into collusion?

Do you reach for wine? Cigarettes? Weed?

Do you binge on food so you don’t have to feel?

Do you go into your cave and sleep – avoiding and pretending it doesn’t exist?

Whatever you do, it’s OK. We all have crutches and vices. However next time you feel pain – rather than filling the void, see if you can simply feel it, express it, and then release it from your nervous system.

Genius.


2. Blaming others


The moment we point the finger at someone else, we have three fingers pointing back at us.

When we blame our parents, partner, ex, loved one, or even a stranger, we are instantly giving away our power because we believe they did something to us. The truth is…”life happens FOR us not TO us”, and when we believe this truth-bomb, anything that happens in our life is a divine intervention (even if it’s crap!).

For example, consider the following two statements:

“You made me angry.”

vs

“I am angry.”

Which statement holds more power? Victimhood or taking responsibility?

No one can make you feel anything; we do that all on our own.

Taking responsibility for how you feel is powerful. 

I’ve gone through the phase in my life of blaming my parents and blaming my abusive ex boyfriend, and it did me absolutely NO GOOD. It caused me pain and suffering and disempowerment. When I released blame and took responsibility for my own life and choices I came into my power. And besides, look how courageous, successful and happy I am now?? How could I possibly blame anyone for anything…

“Through adversity comes strength.”


3. Not having Healthy Boundaries


We give our power away when we don’t know or express our boundaries in a healthy way – no matter how big or small.

Your boundaries act as filters permitting what is acceptable or not acceptable in your life. If we don’t have healthy boundaries, we let people take advantage, get their own way, enforce their opinion on us or walk all over us – thus making us resentful and disempowered.

Here are some tips:

  • Learn how to say no (your NO is more important than his/her YES).
  • Put your needs first (fit your own oxygen mask first…).
  • Learn what behaviour is unacceptable for you (i.e. anger, violence, abuse, dishonesty, manipulation).
  • Trust in yourself (have your own back).

Expressing your boundaries is particularly helpful when you’re engaging sexually with someone new. For example, nowadays before connecting with anyone sexually, I state my boundaries to them – I share vulnerably what’s OK and what’s not OK, what I like and what I don’t like, what my preferences are etc. Sometimes when you’re in the heat of the moment, you can’t share what you truly feel out of fear of them feeling rejected or not responding well to your boundary.

Some sexual boundaries of yours might be:

  • Please don’t pull my hair, it freaks me out!
  • Please don’t leave any hickies or marks on my body
  • I prefer to have at least 15 minutes of oral sex as foreplay before sex so I feel more open and ready
  • I don’t enjoy you sucking on my clit, licking is OK, but not sucking
  • I am not on the Pill, so please don’t come inside me
  • I enjoy you looking into my eyes when we have sex
  • Please ask consent before you insert your penis!
  • We must use protection
  • I need cuddles after sex or I need space after sex
  • I like being spanked
  • I like dirty talk / don’t like dirty talk
  • Please don’t check your phone straight after sex
  • I like it long and deep / I don’t like deep it hurts my cervix

You get my drift…

If a man knows what you want/need and you’re clear with your boundaries, it will make it easier for him to “take you”. And really women just want to be taken by a man! However, if you’re unclear and not confident in your boundaries, he will not know how to treat you in the bedroom and he will also be aware that YOU don’t know what you want. So how could HE possibly know?

 


4. Not Shining your Light


We all have God given talents, unique abilities and natural gifts to share with the world. However, very often we don’t share them because we don’t want others to feel jealous, less than, intimidated by us or because we are terrified of stepping into our power. This might look like:

  • Staying small to keep others happy
  • Complacency or laziness – no drive or motivation 
  • Surrounding yourself with people don’t challenge you and don’t bring you up (what are your friends like — rocks or balloons?)
  • Not self-promoting or putting yourself out there (this is a big one!)
  • Fear of stepping into your full power and light because of the responsibility that comes with 
  • Fear of not being “good enough” if you do step into your power
  • Thinking that other people know more (never knowing enough!)

The reality is there is ALWAYS someone who doesn’t know what you know. There is ALWAYS a student ready to learn from you. What you know is perfect and someone (even if it’s just one person) may benefit from what you have to share.

Marianne Williamson sums this up so perfectly:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.”


5. Caring what people think


When we care too much what people think, we won’t live an authentic life in integrity because we’re too scared and constantly in fear of other peoples’ judgement of us.

But really, it’s not what other people think that matters (we just use this as an excuse not to step into our power); it’s what WE think of ourselves that really counts.

This might look like this:

  • Not living the life you truly want to live out of fear of what your family/friends/partner might think of you
  • Staying stuck in a job, city or relationship out of fear of what people might think or say about you
  • Rarely pausing and asking yourself what you think, rather than always asking others
  • Not speaking up out of fear of looking stupid (do you do this on dates to impress?)
  • Valuing other people’s opinion over your own
  • Putting all your power in your coach/healer/psychologist (thinking that they know better than you)

I would love to hear from you below in the comments – how are you currently giving away your power?

What are some other ways we give away our power?

Love Rosie x

P.S. Reclaim your power and your gorgeous naked body in my Women’s Nude Yoga workshops – tour dates now up for October 2017!

Rosie Rees is a Relationship Coach, founder of Women's Nude Yoga & a sexuality specialist helping women become sexually liberated. Rosie runs regular Women's Nude Yoga classes to help empower, liberate and free women of their body image issues. She also supports and shares the Yoni Egg and Crystal Pleasure Wand self pleasure practices as she believes they are the ultimate tool for self love and self pleasure. Rosie also blogs candidly about all things, love, sex, orgasms, spirituality and relationships.

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6 Comments

  • Candice5 months ago

    A lovely being named Emily told me all about you 6 moths ago. I have been following you ever since. I luv your honesty and your ability to be brave and vunreble, In all that you do. Thankyou, you inspire me ❤

  • Claore5 months ago

    Thank you this is an amazing post and perfect for where I’m at right now.. which is stepping into my highest power 🙏

  • Melissa5 months ago

    I give power away to my ex-husband who left me last Nov & filed for divorce on my birthday 2 mos later. I try to deal with my intense grief on my own & with a therapist. But I am so stuck in these 2 behaviors still: 1. when I’m busy & happy & feeling like things are going to be ok for me in spite of his leaving, I will see him & he will start sending me mixed messages about how when I’m happy he doubts his decision to divorce me. 2. But when I’m really struggling over all of the loss & go thru the dark sad times, I often reach out to him & he treats me horribly & calls me “a drama queen” & tells me this is exactly why he’s leaving me….even though surely it’s normal to grieve a marriage & a person you loved for a long time? Right? Then I end up feeling angry & powerless. This blog post helped put it into words: I give my power away to him & I don’t have to. I couldn’t put my finger on it before. Thank you.

  • Jessica5 months ago

    Love this article so much! it makes so much sense why i feel so depleted so often!

  • Ruth5 months ago

    Loved loved this this blog post Rosie ❤️❤️

  • R4 months ago

    –> what are your friends like — rocks or balloons?
    ♥ ♥ ♥ Speaks to me!

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