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relationships

Men, women; we all do it.

You know these old chestnuts:

‘He sees me as much as he can. I know he really cares, deep down’.

‘Oh, maybe she’s just busy and hasn’t checked her phone yet’.

‘Well, we’re not official yet, so I can’t get pissed off about that text from that other guy’.

‘She’s still getting over her ex and isn’t ready to be in a relationship’. ‘

‘He’ll call. He’s just…busy’.

Men, women; we all do it. You know these old chestnuts: ‘He sees me as much as he can. I know he really cares, deep down’. ‘Oh, maybe she’s just busy and hasn’t checked her phone yet’. ‘Well, we’re not official yet, so I can’t get pissed off about that text from that other guy’. ‘She’s still getting over her ex and isn’t ready to be in a relationship’. ' 'He'll call. He's just...busy'.

What are Boundaries? We all have boundaries - rules to govern what makes us feel good, and what doesn't. Our boundary is like a fence and on one side is rainbows & unicorns (yes, I like that, that feels good) and the other is lions, tigers and bears (no, I don't like that, please stop). I believe we have always had personal boundaries, it's just a matter of re-learning them and re-building them, as they tend to get tested and torn down often in life. Our boundaries stem from our inner world, social conditioning, values, beliefs & experiences and they often become blurred when we don't have the self worth to know what's good for us and when we don't have the self-love to communicate our truth.

O oh. Busted. You've caught your partner watching porn... Either red handed, red faced & in the flesh or from snooping through their internet search history. OR, you've actually asked them outright and they've answered you honestly. This might ignite some of the following emotions: {please note I am writing from the viewpoint of a woman catching a man, however it is just as relevant and likely vise versa. I know plenty of women who enjoy porn!} 

Is it just me or is their a loose societal perception that we’re all meant to be in a relationship or at least that if you’re single, you must be looking for somebody; someone to fill that void, someone to make you whole again? Who said so? And why can't we be amazingly whole as one single, solo being? And if we meet a partner, why can't they simply accentuate and add value to the whole; make the circle bigger - a bonus! Unless you’re an avid fence-sitter, generally you’re either a lover or a hater of being single.

I recently had a session with a client who was struggling letting go of her ex. Logically she was over him. In her mind, she knew he was no good for her, repeating to me 'he was a horrible boyfriend', 'I was virtually his mother', 'I stuck by him all those years and put up with his shit', 'What a waste of time and energy!'. Rationality told her he was a dick and to get over him! But she couldn't seem to get him out of her mind and felt she should be well and truly over it as it had been almost a year since the break up. Even though she broke up with him, she still kicked herself and thought in the back of her mind that they would eventually get back together again. That is until he got engaged soon after! Ouch... Some weeks she was strong and didn't think about him at all, then other weeks she would cave in and obsessionally stalk his Facebook page as well as his new fiance's; giving her a fix AND a kick in the guts. She knew she wasn't over it but had no idea what to do. A part of her felt her ego was bruised as she had been rejected. She also felt not good enough, thinking in her mind 'why didn't he choose me?'. She explained how his presence felt involuntary, like he had a hold on her. Almost like his energy was attached onto her field and she couldn't brush him off; a black cloud that wouldn't stop following her around. She was repeating the same worn out story in her mind over and over again - it was addictive. It was a familiar story to revert to. A woe-is-me story that filled the void. A story that she went back to often to try and piece the puzzle together - why it ended, how he met his new fiance, what she could have done differently - rehashing everything blow by blow that happened during their years together, especially the ending of the relationship. She also had zero closure, which was a huge part of the problem, as she couldn't move on. So I told her it's closure we're gonna get her, without even seeing him! Here are some tips I gave to my client from personal experience (please note that this example is from a females perspective, however is equally as powerful for the opposite sex!) Forgiveness Meditation Sit comfortably. Somewhere quiet without disturbance. Envisage yourself as your highest version of YOU. What you look like, what you sound like, what you are wearing, how you're sitting or standing, where you are (a white room always works for me or by a riverbank). Really get into character and imagine and visualise your divine higher being. Then call in your ex, bring him into your room or space. Imagine his highest divine being - the best version of him! What does he look like, smell like, sound like etc. He is right in front of you now. You're looking into each other's eyes. Then, shifting into your minds eye (third eye of higher consciousness) tell him everything you feel. Get everything off your chest. Express it how you feel is appropriate (maybe it's calm, maybe you yell and scream). I am usually quite calm during this process (I also usually cry here...) Show him where it hurts. Tell him how it made you feel. Take hold of his hand, or whatever feels right for you. Once you have released everything you want to say, then let him talk. The answers will come intuitively to you from your divine. Or maybe he doesn't talk at all. Whatever comes, will come naturally. He will say what he needs to say 'I'm sorry', 'Please forgive me' 'Please release me' 'I didn't know any better' - just let him speak from his highest self. Allow the forgiveness to enter. Forgiveness to him, and to yourself. Once this process has finished and you feel like it's time to say goodbye, give him a hug. Let him hug you. Embrace. Hold him. Stroke his neck. Then its time to let him go. Look down to your belly or torso and notice where the energetic chord attaching you to him is connected. After you are ready to say goodbye... get out a sword, scissors, a knife (whatever you want to break the chord with) and once he turns to walk away, cut the chord. Make a ceremony out of this. Watch him walk away / fade away / disappear. Then sit with the feeling of how it feels to let him go. Are you free? Are you lighter? Are you exhausted? Are you sad? Are you ecstatic? Are you emotional? Imagination is a powerful tool.

OK, hear me out. I was speaking to my girlfriend about men and sex and how being too nice & giving the goods away too soon can royally eff things up, especially if you actually want the guy and see potential long term. It’s

Upon a serendipitous rendezvous with an acquaintance at one of my favourite Brisbane coffee haunts, we stumbled effortlessly (as always) onto the topic of relationships, well marriage actually. Over my double piccolo, I discovered that he had been married for 13

Yes this might sound slightly kinky (get your mind out of the gutter!), but I don’t mean it in that way, well not really! While at Tony Robbins’ seminar Date with Destiny, he told us a story about golf. Now

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