Expressing your truth can be an uncomfortable, tedious and sometimes, terrifying experience.
But it also doesn’t have to be.
I recently had a session with an incredible healer, who, whilst doing Reiki on my body, found a huge blockage in my throat Chakra. On the drive home, whilst feeling lighter but also highly emotional, I realised how much I wasn’t expressing…or if I was expressing, it was not in a very healthy way (i.e. mini tantrums, passive aggressiveness, bottling up). As it turns out, I had communication blockages with my partner, in a business relationship, home-life, family and friendships. Some major and impacting the direction of my life, others minor frustrations amongst housemates. And of course, the way life works, they all came at once!
What I realised is that true communication takes courage, healing takes work, and walking around on eggshells with people is damn painful!
It’s far more empowering to speak your truth, even if it’s uncomfortable for a few minutes, rather than running miles and miles dodging the obstacles in your way.
My solution? Just approach the obstacles with love and grace…and sooner rather than later. The longer you wait, the more painful it gets – for both parties involved.
Here are my 4 ways to get to the bottom of your authentic truth, and how to express it effectively:
1. WHAT’S YOUR AUTHENTIC TRUTH?
So, what is the truth?
The key to expressing your authentic truth is KNOWING what your authentic truth actually is.
This takes self-inquiry, and brutal honesty with yourself, which can sometimes mean swallowing jagged-little-pills of cold, hard TRUTH (ouch).
Often we put our head in the sand and ignore the real truth of the situation; it’s amazing what we can tell ourselves over and over again to make ourself feel better. What helps me find my authentic truth is a skill I discovered from Tony Robbins whereby we repeat this mantra (below) and follow it on with whatever you believe the truth to be…
The truth is…
The truth is…
The truth is…
What you will find is that every time you ask yourself “the truth is…” it changes slightly. What, at first you believe to be the truth, is usually just a layer or mask. The deeper you go the closer to your truth you will get.
For example, you might say “the truth is I am really pissed off about x situation”, and then next you might say “the truth is I am really frustrated at x person”, and then you might figure out “the truth is I am really upset by x’s behaviour”.
Authenticity is something that is real, genuine, truthful, true, fact or original. This requires digging deep – even if you don’t like the truth.
2. WHAT’S STOPPING YOU FROM EXPRESSING IT?
The more you don’t express yourself, the worse it gets. Some people go years or even decades before they say what they really feel…and usually it’s too late. Lack of expression can create pockets of stagnations in your body, or lack of ‘pranic’ life-force energy, which may result in physical illness and emotional pain. What you feel on an energetic level often manifests on a physical level.
So it’s important to ask…who or what is stopping you from fully expressing yourself?
It might be because…you fear what someone will think of you, you’re afraid of not being liked (because you’re such a bloody people-pleaser), you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, you don’t want to rock the boat, you don’t trust yourself or back yourself enough, you’re scared of being judged & criticised or you’re scared of the consequences of speaking your truth.
Pinpoint exactly who or what is stopping you and then consider if it’s reasonable to be placing their needs above and before you and your own needs? In some cases, it might be worthwhile to put the other person’s needs above your own (if it will cause them extreme pain and suffering). However in most cases it is WORTHwhile to put yourself first.
We are taught not to be selfish, however in my books self love means you are NUMBER ONE, which means you own your worth. And if not speaking your truth is making you suppressed, uncomfortable and depressed, then a woman or man of worthiness will put their needs first, love themselves, and explain their truth from a space of love.
A good question to ask is this:
Are you willing to lose yourself by not speaking your truth, or are you willing to lose the friendship or relationship ?
3. HOW DO YOU EXPRESS YOUR AUTHENTIC TRUTH?
At the end of the day, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s HOW they express or deliver that message that is a clear depiction of their character, as it usually reflects how that person feels about themselves. i.e. if that person aggressively communicates their truth, it probably means they are angry at themselves, or if the person is bitchy and rude, chances are they are disrespectful to themselves. So be weary of this when you express yourself.
In any situation we can communicate from LOVE or FEAR. Truth is love’s language. Ego is fear’s language.
Truth holds its own resonance.
So no matter what you say to someone, if it comes from a place of heart, love and truth, it’s almost impossible for the other person to reject, judge, hate, criticise or get angry at you. Unless of course, they are completely in their ego and coming from fear. But even if they are, truth still holds a resonance that even cuts through the darkest of fear.
4. OWN YOUR SH*T
This part takes courage, and putting your ‘ego’ to the side. When I say ego, I mean that little voice in your head that wants to blame everyone else, and not take responsibility for anything.
Your “mean girl” as Mel Ambrosini puts it.
So, before you go in to tell someone how you’re really feeling, first of all sit down with yourself and feel into what’s YOURS and what’s THEIRS.
Then take ownership of what is YOUR stuff, otherwise you will project all your BS onto the other person. And anything that comes from a place of fear will most likely be responded to from a place of fear…
There is nothing worse than going into a conversation with all guns blazing, to point the finger at the other person. This will get the other person fired up, on the back foot straight away, and they won’t be open to hearing what you have to say. So instead of looking at everything the other person did, firstly feel into what YOU are accountable and responsible for, and express that to the other person.
I like to call it a ‘sh*t sandwich’ approach – express something good, then something bad, then something good again.
For instance, “I really love and appreciate our friendship…but this action really hurt me…and I would like to continue with a positive relationship with you”. Simple.
We are all responsible for HOW to react to certain things, people or events, in the way of our words, deeds, feelings or thoughts. For example, I recently became quite passive aggressive with a friend and instead of coming out and talking to her about the way I was feeling, I bottled it up and began to resent her over a period of a month or so. I realised this lack of communication was actually really hurting me…and her, as she could feel my negative energy.
When it came to expressing my truth to her, I totally took full responsibility for reacting out of fear, and not love. By not expressing my truth or at least not taking responsibility for my actions (or lack thereof) to this person, I could have ruined a friendship and a business partnership – all from my own fear!
The moral of the story? Feel it to heal it, and take responsibility for your own sh*t, and then express your truth from a place of love.
You can’t go wrong!
What is your authentic truth?
What do you need to express to someone that you haven’t?
How are you currently expressing yourself?
What can you OWN and take responsibility for?
Would love to hear from you in the comments below!
Love and light!