Whoa, what a juicy subject matter, riddled with layers and layers of mystery, opinions, substance and eroticism.
Every woman is different.
Every vagina is different.
And everyone woman likes different things.
So guys (or girls) it’s a bit tricky to know exactly how to do it the right way.
For starters, there is no ‘right way’.
There is, however, one wrong way I can think of and that is not doing it at all (not including the minority of women who don’t actually enjoy it – no judgement). Oral sex, or in this case, cunnilingus, is a great preliminary step to sex! It gets us turned on, lubricated and ready to go, wanting more of you. Plus it not only physically pries us open (gently opening up the pelvis, hips, legs, yoni), it also emotionally opens us up, which is a big deal to women considering sex is as much a sexual thing as it is emotional. It shows that you want to please us; you want to explore us, feel us, embrace us, enjoy us, taste us…devour us. It’s a form of physical affection, at it’s greatest.
I have gathered information over the years from my own personal experience (yep, soz exes you’re copping it), girlfriends, clients, articles and general hearsay.
I have met women who love it more than sex, women who hate and feel like they are going to pee themselves, women who dislike it as they feel too vulnerable, ashamed of their vagina and really confronted by the whole experience, women who can only climax through oral, women who prefer giving & receiving with women, men who LOVE it & get pleasure from it, men who hate it & freak out about it and even men who would engage in affairs simply because their wife no longer wanted to receive it from them anymore due to having children and lack of desire etc.
I am all for massive generalisations and there is one general consensus that is usually frowned upon: when your guy/partner/boyfriend/lover reaches for the condom or goes in for the home run without attempting to venture down south beforehand. C’mon we shouldn’t have to ask. Obviously there are times when you just want to f**k, and that’s cool. But a majority of the time, it’s key to have the entree before the main meal…or in my opinion desert. Foreplay is crucial. For some women it’s the best bit!
To have YOUR MOUTH kissing us DOWN THERE is like gold dust to us. It’s synonymous with unicorns dancing on rainbows, all our Christmas’ coming at once, swimming in a bath full of Nutella – it’s euphoric, incredible, joyful, hair-pulling ecstasy.
You get my point. It’s important and it speaks VOLUMES when you bother to do it. Trust me.
I had a girlfriend tell me over dinner how great her and her boyfriend’s sex life was and how they do it at least four times in one day most weekends etc. I then asked how the oral sex was. She proceeded to roll her eyes and say ‘Well, I have told him numerous times how I like it but he keeps going in doing the hard-tongue-pokey-out-thingy (she demonstrated by jutting her tongue in & out – I laughed). She continued ‘I prefer him not even touching it or blowing on it for at least five minutes, just caressing my thighs, belly, hips…you know…gentle and progressive, not wham-bam straight to the goods. And give me a soft, flat tongue any day!’ She then made a good point about how porn has not helped the matter and leads men to think they need to go down on women with force and ‘eat them out’ like they are ravenous carnivores, when in reality it’s quite the opposite – at least initially in the piece.
It needs to start slow. We need to be seduced.
Which leads me to my next point, some tips:
- Don’t be scared. It’s just a vagina. In fact you were born from that very place (maybe don’t try to think of that during the act). If you’re awkward and scared, you will make us feel uncomfortable. Like energy creates like energy. We all are vulnerable in this act so just be present and enjoy the beauty of pleasuring a woman. Plus, practice makes perfect.
- Look at it. Admire at it. Tell us what you see. A big part of Nicole Daedone’s Orgasmic Meditation (OM) practise is the male explaining and describing to the female what he sees – looking at it, examining it with love and acceptance. Whoa and what a turn of having someone just look at it. Mental.
- Don’t go straight for the goods. Tease us first. Explore our toes, legs, knees, inner thighs, hips, pelvis, belly button – kiss, blow or lick anywhere BUT our vagina for a period of time before pleasuring. Never underestimate the art of seduction. Besides, the more wet we are, the better the sex will be. Win, win.
- Once you’ve arrived at the yoni take your time. Don’t rush it. Mull over it like a nice glass of wine. Explore the nooks and crannies and take your time finding the clit, the g-spot, the vaginal entry, omg even the a-hole. Inevitably this will turn you on even more.
- Ask her what she likes – ask, ask, ask. Generally you can tell by her breathing or moaning what she likes, however if not it’s a good idea to probe (ahh the pun). Some women don’t feel comfortable to divulge details – so ASK! What do you like? How does this feel? Do you want to climax through oral or sexual intercourse? Do you like fingers? Fingers and tongue? Have you climaxed before through this? In fact, tell her what you like too – it works both ways. Do you prefer it to be smooth and silky? Maybe ala naturale? Do you prefer her to wash in the shower beforehand or not at all? Open up with what you prefer as you’re the one who is doing the deed.
- There is no allotted time frame to oral sex, but at least a couple minutes to 15 -20 mins will do the job – depending on the woman. 20 seconds of poking around down there like you’re in an annoying tupperware cupboard is horrid and you might as well not even bother. It needs love, time and energy – just like a kiss on the lips.
- The more you love it, the more we love it. Just like when you received head – it’s always sooooo much better when the woman is enjoying giving it to you, right!? Try to get into the mind of a woman and think about what might feel good for her. That’s what I think about when I give head – if I were a penis, what would feel good. I also infuse the act with love…so if you love your woman…let is show. Or just go with the flow.
I hope to have demystified some elements you might have had around oral sex, or at least wrenched open the curtains (or the flaps) to some new ideas or suggestions.
Ladies, perhaps send this article on to your partner, lover, boyfriend or hubby as a subtle ‘ha ha honey bunny look what I read today on this cool chicks blog – HINT HINT, NUDGE NUDGE’.
Gentlemen, take note. Maybe read it twice.
And by all means, women & men leave me a comment – always open to hearing your opinions 😉
Love & blessings and good head to all. Rosie x