I turned to my colleague the other day and said to her ‘I just can’t stop buying stuff!’
Her response was simple yet profound:
‘What void are you trying to fill?’
I knew straight away what she meant, and what void I was fossicking to bury.
I was about to buy another pair of Ray Bans (Groupon had a special for $100 off Wayfarers – how could I resist!?), then I was eyeing off some Coco Chanel perfume while strolling through David Jones and don’t get me started on online shopping – in the past week I have purchased some riding boots (no I don’t horse ride, but I might!) and a funkalicious pair of Black Milk printed tights. Oh they were a must.
My God, she was SO right! I had a little laugh to myself because I couldn’t believe how bang on true she was. I was filling a void! Even when it came to grocery shopping I would splurge!
So often we have a void within us; a hole, a gap, a place that is not being filled. A need that is not being met. A black hole, which we are too scared to face.
And it’s so freaken frustrating.
We know it’s there, but so often we avoid the void. Ha, how ironic is that!?
Instead of acknowledging it, we will do anything in our power to side step it and shuffle in the opposite direction. We put it in the too-hard-basket saying we will deal with it another day. But we never do….until we receive enough signs that we need to – and sometimes that’s when it is too late.
So instead of dealing with the void, the dark cave of doom, we will over-emphasise, over-stimulate, over-exaggerate and over-compensate with something else in our life – an addiction. Like I was splashing cash on anything and everything materialistic to put a smile on my face; to add something new, some variety, a bit of spice into my life.
Low and behold, I got bored very quickly and the thrill of having a new item of clothing or pair of sunnies wore off pretty damn quick. Shopping was just a shallow quick fix, a band-aid that covered up the wound but didn’t heal the wound.
Coincidentally the same day I had a chat with another friend, and she mentioned to me how she decided to pull the pin on starting her Masters study because she realized she was about to spend $30,000 on filling a void. She wasn’t even 100% on the course and was only doing it because she wasn’t sure of what else to do.
This is the thing…we humans will go to extreme levels to satisfy covering up of the ugly void instead of facing the emptiness.
Even if it means spending an arm and a leg or compromising our health.
Spending money is one great way to fill a void (joking). Some other fantastically ineffective methods to fill a void are as follows:
- Drinking excessively
- Taking drugs
- Smoking cigarettes
- Casual sex
- Being a workaholic
- Over eating
- Under eating
- Prescription medication
- Over exercising
- Excessive shopping / spending
- Jumping from one relationship to another
- Constantly on your phone and social media
- Always calling friends and family for help/advice
- Even being a self development junkie can be lethal
There are many, many more (please feel free to comment and share with me what your method to filling your emptiness and we can add it to the list!), however at the end of the day, unless we become aware that we are trying to fill a void with an addiction, we can’t fully identify what the void is, and hence can’t heal ourselves and become the best we can be!
No matter what or how we attempt to fill the void, by doing any of the above techniques, I guarantee it is just a temporary fix.
So, big woop. I identified that I was trying to fill a void….then what?
We must ask ourselves a simple, honest question:
What void am I trying to fill?
Then wait for your higher self to respond. It might take a while, but it’s important that we are honest with ourselves – no beating around the bush!
Ask yourself…what is it that you long for, what are you distracting yourself with? What is that black hole deep within you? What need is not being met? Some responses might be:
- I’m lonely
- I’m scared
- I’m insecure
- I’m depressed
- I’m not loved
- I’m not enough
- I’m not happy
Then ask yourself WHY.
Why are you lonely? Is it because you’re in an unfulfilling relationship? Is it because you’re single and wish you had a partner? Is it because you don’t have your family or friends around you? Maybe nobody listens or understands? You feel like a black sheep? Or your loved ones are not there for you in the way you want them to be.
Remember, you hold the power. You have freedom of choice…to be in that relationship, to feel unhappy being single, to feel like an out cast. You can change it in an instant with your mind frame. You can choose to love yourself. You can choose whether or not to be a victim.
One thing is for sure – the void cannot be filled with anything external – no person and no thing will fulfill the void.
It can only be filled up with LOVE.
Infinite love. Love that is everlasting, pure and eternal.
For some this will be God. Others it will be Buddha. Or Allah. Some it will be Enlightenment. Or Consciousness. Maybe it will be heavenly Angels. Maybe your own higher divine self – self love.
At the end of the day – they all have one thing in common – LOVE.
And we must surrender to it; surrender our life to love that is within us and around us. And trust. Trust we are loved and taken care of and give away our void to the divine higher power at work.
There is just too many serendipitous, coincidental and divine moments I have experienced in my life (especially lately) to not believe that there is a higher, greater being out there. Every day there are signs and events – but we have to be conscious and aware to them, otherwise they pass unnoticed.
A power that is totally out of our control and out of our hands. A power that is in charge of everything that happens in life.
As soon as we accept that we are totally loved and supported. As soon as we feel that love in our heart from ourselves and from above, then the void will disintegrate.
But only when you believe it and accept it in, will the love overcome the void.
Meditate on it.