The way we are showing up sexually is a good indicator of what is going on deep within us.
“As in the bedroom, so in life”.
They are not separate; in fact, they are VERY linked.
This is pertinent in my life at present as in the past week that I have not been prioritising my pleasure. In fact I have been putting off delicious love making sessions with my partner – saying something along the lines of: ‘Oh maybe later, I just have a few things to do at the moment,’ or ‘After my cup of tea,’ or ‘Hmm, I have a head ache,’ or ‘I want to have a shower and wash my hair first,’ or ‘I’m just too tired right now’.
The list goes on!!
It’s astonishing what excuses women pull out their ass when they don’t want to engage in sex. And the truth is, none of them are true – they are just ‘cover-ups’ for what the REAL issue is.
My lack of desire or libido had nothing to do with my partner – he’s amazing, sexy, funny, smart and incredibly supportive.
It is, however, ALL to do with ME and what’s going on in my mind, body and heart.
Upon his observation of me putting off sex one too many times (especially since it’s usually very regular!) he asked me what might be going on, on a deeper level.
Initially I was a little resistant to his question and refused to look at it. However after a day of mulling over it in my mind, I dropped into it and realised my behaviour towards sex felt like a procrastination of sorts.
Just putting it off…putting it off…putting it off.
So I began to look at what I am putting off in my life…
A HAH! *light bulb moment*
I was pushing to the side a whole bunch of things…organising the next Nude Yoga tour dates, prepping workshops, finishing my e-book, booking in for further training, organising our retreat next year…amongst many other creative projects that are just ready and waiting to be birthed.
I felt frustrated at my lack of motivation and momentum. I felt like nothing was getting done, it was all building up and it was really annoying me. I didn’t feel I was getting any traction, and hence this procrastination and ‘putting off’ was showing up in my sex life. It was simply a reflection of what I was currently experiencing in my business life.
What’s ironic is that sexual flow inevitably leads to creative flow – it’s the same energy source – and my lack of desire was impinging on my lack of focus and flow.
I also felt strongly that I was desiring more “non-sexual intimacy”…the kisses, cuddles, long holds, massage and connecting without sex. I believe it’s really important to have a healthy balance of sexual intimacy and non sexual intimacy, and usually the latter will lead to the former. AKA women need a healthy dose of affection, compliments, connection and general non-sexual play before we can fully open to sacred union.
Our symptoms are a by-product of something much deeper going on within the subconscious psyche.
So one’s symptoms may be erectile dysfunction, herpes, warts, ovary cysts, PMT, premature ejaculation, cramping, watching lots of porn, always playing out a fantasy to feel aroused, lack of libido, too much sexual desire, fetishes, cheating or a non-existent sex life.
All of these symptoms indicate something deeper; something on an emotional or energetic level.
For example, when I was having an affair with a taken man a few years ago, I was essentially cheating myself. I was not loving myself…and didn’t believe I was worthy of real love or an amazing relationship. I was attracting unavailable men because I was emotionally unavailable. I had to experience constant rejection, pain and disappointment of him not choosing me (over and over again) for me to hit rock bottom and have no choice but to choose myself. I was playing out the ‘unhealthy suductress’ archetype and manipulating men with my sexual energy, as at that point in my life it was the only way I knew how to give and receive love.
This unhealthy sexual situation basically depicted where I was in my life and my relationship with myself. Your sex life is like a metaphor for life!
So, ask yourself these questions (and this can be related to singles and their self pleasure practice &/or casual sex antics) and feel into how they relate to other areas of your life at present:
- What does your sex life look like right now?
- Do you feel sexy, sensual and juicy? Or frumpy, bored and flat?
- Is your sex life existent at all? (i.e. if so – are you starving yourself of something? How’s your creative flow? Is this serving you?).
- What’s your self pleasure practice like? Do you watch a lot of porn and externalise the experience or is it a deep, internal journey?
- Do you focus on your partner’s pleasure, or just your own?
- Are your sexual encounters connective, juicy and celebrated? Or is it “wham-bam-thankyou-ma’am” one night stand, “junk food” sex?
- Do you have spontaneous sex or is it always the same thing?
- Are you focused on the goal of orgasm? Or are you enjoying the journey of love making?
- Are you currently ‘making love’? Or are you f*cking?
- Are you putting it off, or are you prioritising your pleasure?
- What fantasies are you playing out?
- Are you lacking desire for sex (and hence life)?
- How’s your sexual health? Do you have STDs or symptoms that are giving you a message?
- Do you find it hard or easy to get turned on/wet/hard?
When you look at the physical symptoms, feel into what the deeper, more emotional reasons may be behind these by-products and it might show you some insight into your life.
Love Rosie x
P.S. Head to www.tantricalchemy.net to book in for your Sacred Union couples guided meditation, tantric breathing and photoshoot with Nadine and Dan. It was freaken incredible!!