Guest post by Ares Chaplin
Anyone who classifies themselves as a ‘sex geek’, has ever watched porn, or who has a genuine interest in sex, is most probably familiar with the recent ‘explosion’ of female ejaculation or ‘squirting’ videos ‘flooding’ the internet. If you are like most people, including me, and you have ever seen one of these videos online, you probably thought the girls were just peeing and in some cases you may have been right. Not withstanding, the phenomenon of female ejaculation is indeed very real and I know this because; not only is there lots of very real and valid science behind it, I also have had personal experiences with it… as has my partner, and many of our amazing friends.
Having been in the very privileged position to have learned how to bring a woman to ejaculation and witnessed her doing so, I have to say it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced both for her and I in my 25 years of being sexually active and my 43 years of being alive.
Make no mistake, this is a team effort. I can do everything right on a physical and emotional and energetic level to bring her right to the edge, however a woman must be ready to deeply surrender (to) herself in a way she never has before in order to be able to let go and explode like she will need to when she ejaculates.
With this in mind, I offer you this ‘how to’ guide for both men and women which outlines my personal experience with it along with some solid science to back it up!
Let’s start with the sciencey stuff and then get to the good bits later shall we?
THE BIOLOGY BEHIND FEMALE EJACULATION
So, where does female ejaculate or ‘Amrita’ come from then? When you are sexually stimulated, in particular on your G-spot, there is a build up of ejaculatory fluid in a series of glands called the Skene’s glands. The Skene’s glands are connected to your urethra and are located close to the bladder near the entrance of the vagina, right next to your G-spot. There are two of them located on each side of the urethral opening. This is why sometimes while having good sex or pleasuring yourself and hitting your G-spot, you feel like you have to pee. Now because the Skene’s Glands, once filled as a result of some dedicated G-spot stimulation, releases through the urethra, there is a common misconception that female ejaculate is just pee, however rest assured it is not.
This is why it is important to make sure you empty your bladder before settling in for lovemaking or self pleasuring as this will make it easier for you to surrender and release knowing you don’t actually need to pee. It is also important to hydrate really well prior to attempting this because, when the floodgates open you may lose a lot of fluid. Don’t be too disconcerted if you don’t gush like a fire hydrant on your first or even you fifteenth go, because everyone is different. Just like us men, some people may explode with full force across the room while others may just get a small trickle. Trust me when I say that either way, it’s going to feel absolutely incredible!
Another thing most people including women do not realise, is that the clitoris is merely the tip of an incredibly complex and immense, pleasure giving iceberg. Once you understand the vastness of the female sexual anatomy you begin to understand why effective clirotal stimulation plays such an important role in lovemaking, orgasm and ejaculation, and why clitoral orgasms feel like they go so much deeper into the fermale body and soul… Because they actually do! The diagrams show the clitoris in all it’s complexity and glory to help us better understand exacty what we are dealing with.
EJACULATION OR ORGASM?
It is also worth noting that for both men and women, ejaculation and orgasm do not always go hand in hand. As a man I can and have orgasmed without ejaculating many many times throughout my life, in fact, by employing tantric practices to my lovemaking I now rarely ejaculate at all but I can and often do orgasm multiple times during a lovemaking session. Just remember that there is no right or wrong way to ejaculate or orgasm either. As you get more practiced you will experience many different kinds of orgasms all over and throughout your body, sometimes you will ejaculate and some times you may not.
MAKE HER FEEL SAFE
*NOTE – For women flying solo, just apply all the same guidelines as below using your favourite, G’spot / clit stimulating vibrator or device instead of a man. *
So, whether attempting this alone or with your lover, setting the mood and making her feel SAFE is REALLY important. The reason many women cannot orgasm when with a male lover is that they don’t feel safe for a whole variety of different reasons, thus they find it near on impossible to surrender fully to him. If she doesn’t feel completely safe and like she can trust you, this is always going to be a very challenging exercise.
Create a nice ‘nest’ to make love on or in. For my partner and I we really like our lounge room and sofa more than our bed (more on this later). We lay a towel or two down and place lots of cushions and pillows all around so we are both physically as comfortable as we can be. We also like to further create the mood with soft lighting and some tranquil, meditation style music. Even try a hot bath together and full a body massage before even hitting the bedroom perhaps.
The more time you take, the more likely your chances of reaching ejaculation are.
PERMISSION BEFORE PENETRATION
From here on in, speed, or lack thereof is the key. There’s no need to go stampeding straight towards the clitoris either men! Women have so many other pleasure giving (receptive) centres around their bodies, so lets take the first half an hour or so to gently massage and kiss our lover all before we even get near her yoni or vagina, paying particular attention to her mouth, breasts, bum and inner thighs without touching or penetrating her yoni. Ideally we want to create a deep, burning feeling of desire in her to have you touch her there and actually invite / beg you to start licking or touching her.
Never, I repeat NEVER enter her without her permission. Always always ALWAYS ask her before you penetrate her with your tongue, fingers or cock.
DON’T FAKE THE FOREPLAY
Once we are settled in and your lover is now dripping wet with desire and has invited you in, start with oral play around her lips and clit, softly kissing and licking her outer lips, bum and clit, preferably again until she begs you to slide your fingers inside her. Make sure she is really wet or that your fingers are well lubed (coconut oil is an absolute winner for this, we always have a jar by the bed just in case) and SLOWLY slide one or two fingers inside her. This is where we start stimulating the G-Spot.
The G-Spot in a woman is located a couple of inches inside the entrance of her vagina on the upper wall or roof, near her pubic bone. It is usually easily identified by it’s rough texture, not unlike that of a cats tongue and, as you slowly stroke it rhythmically from back to front, (think of scratching a kitty cat under the chin, that’s the motion you are looking for) it will increase in size, as will her clit which you should also rhythmically stimulate with your tongue or other hand. A woman’s clit swells because it fills with blood just like a male penis when aroused. Again make sure your fingers are well lubed, either with lube, oil or saliva otherwise this won’t feel so good for her. Always use natural lubricants like Coconut Oil whenever possible, as these have a much nicer physical and energetic feel than synthetic ones do. Likewise, vibrators and dildos made out of synthetics and rubbers carry a completely different ‘vibe’ to natual ones too.
PREPARING FOR EJACULATION
If you are on target she will soon start to feel her Skene’s glands swelling as she edges closer to ejaculation and or orgasm. She may not ejaculate at this point, some women need cock to do this, but most will be able to ejaculate this way. The important thing ladies is, when you feel it coming and you think that you might be about to pee yourself, completely surrender to your lover and that feeling and let it flow. The worst that can happen is you might pee a bit or a lot, which would never dissuade a genuine King there to serve you and your needs. Surrender, push past any of those fears you might have and just…let…it…go… Mmmmmmmmmm
When you feel an imminent bursting of the banks, it is important to let your lover know so that he can remove his fingers or cock because the ejaculate is going to come out of your urethra and you want the path to be clear. For whatever reason, most women squirt upon removal of the cock or fingers. At this point it is important to maintain contact with and stimulation of the clit, in fact you can go a little bit crazy on the clit and up the tempo which will bring her to a powerful ejaculation and possibly orgasm.
It is worth mentioning here that ancient tantric teachings suggest that drinking a woman’s Amrita or ejaculate halts and can even reverse the aging process, as well as having other magical healing powers and health benefits. From personal experience I can say that; after drinking my lover’s Amrita which tastes absolutely divine I have to say, I not only feel an immense amount of honour, humility, privilege and gratitude for her gifting me this golden nectar, but I also feel Powerful and Energised beyond measure. I can only begin to imagine what the long term benefits of this beautiful practice might be.
Once she has finished ejaculating, if you both desire then reinsert your fingers, keep working the G-Spot and do it all over again… and again… and again. Or, if at this point your lover invites you inside her with your cock (lingham), let her take over the stimulation of her clit and then really listen and be prepared take direction from her as to how she likes and wants it. And guys, when you are inside her, LOOK AT HER… in the eyes! Show her with your eyes that you have her, that she is safe and that you are there to absolutely serve HER needs. There are no need for words, except for possibly ‘I LOVE YOU’.
For my partner and I the sofa is our preferred play pad for making love with the intent to cause ejaculation. When she lays on her back with her hips right on the front edge of the sofa, and I kneel on the ground in front of her (with my knees on a cushion or pillow) the angle and depth of penetration is exactly right for her for amazing G-Spot stimulation and activation.
This isn’t about us fellas, it’s all about her so get any ideas about blowing your load out of both of your little heads and just be present with her. Be her servant, her warrior and her King.
TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE
I often make love with my partner for a couple of hours without ejaculating at all, but I orgasm PLENTY! You will thank me for this later, both of you! The power you feel as a man being able to serve your woman in this way absolutely obliterates any short term gain you might think you are getting from blowing your beans, no matter how spectacular you think your cumshot is, looks or feels!!!
A well fucked woman is a woman who isn’t going ANYWHERE.
When your woman starts to feel like she is going to ejaculate again, take her cue and pull out, again upping the tempo on the clit. You may have to insert and withdraw several times before she explodes. Be patient and deliberate. Keep it all about her and she will eventually surrender and explode. Once her thirst has been completely quenched, IF she asks you to ejaculate, then please feel free to do so. It will feel amazing, but perhaps not as good as holding back will, knowing what you are now capable of and that if she wants it again in ten minutes time you are absolutely primed and ready to serve her again and again and again… and again.
DOES THE MAN EJACULATE?
Nothing is more sexy to a woman than a man who is always ready for action and guaranteed to rock her world.
If you do choose to ejaculate, it is always preferable to do so inside her. Obviously you must have very clear and concise communication around this well PRIOR to lovemaking. Cumming inside a woman without her express knowledge, desire and permission is an ABSOLUTE NO NO! These are not the actions of a King and they are likely to find you in very hot water if you do. Cumming in her yoni or mouth will keep the energy of the orgasm inside your tantric energy loop, which is what we are building up between us by connecting this intentionally and by not ejaculating as men. You will still lose ‘some’ of the energy or charge but nowhere near as much as if you just pull out and cum on her or on the bed. NEVER waste your seed if possible. Cumming on her skin and then infusing it back into her body and energy field by rubbing it in is still far preferable to just cumming on the sheets. You can also rub it into your own skin too if you like!
My own personal experience with this has seen not only my self esteem and masculinity expand massively, my relationship has also jumped ahead in quantum leaps as has my ability to manifest connections, love and abundance in all areas of my life. Another added bonus is that I have bigger, harder and longer lasting and more frequent erections than I have EVER experienced in my entire life. (Also since I quit watching pornography – an addiction since adolescnece – but that’s a whole other blog post. Stay tuned for THAT!)
SO, YOU DON’T MAKE HER EJACULATE?
Now guys and girls, if for ANY reason you don’t succeed, don’t make it mean anything, because it actually doesn’t. As with anything, practice makes, well, practice! Perfection is an illusion, do not get caught up in it! It took us almost 6 months to reach full blown ejaculation together, something my partner has been trying to do since she was 20 years old (7 years in the making!).
It might take you only one go, nobody knows. There is no wrong and no right here. It’s all just experience and pleasure. Enjoy it no matter the outcome. A sure fire way to almost thwart your success is by having any attachment to succeeding at all. Just immerse yourself in the moment and let it all hang out. That is the key to your success here – not actually caring at all if you do or do not squirt.
And finally, trust me when I say that; when you start connecting and relating this deliberately, this consciously and this intentionally with one another, you will absolutely transform both your individual lives and relationships, especially the one you have with each other. New levels of joy, abundance, trust and love will open up and shift with each successive attempt or success, and your relationship will ABSOLUTELY soar.
This is real life Alchemy.
Use it Responsibly and Enjoy it Eternally!
As One With Love Always – Ares
Ares Chaplin is a Life Coach, Masculinity Mentor and Relationships & Sexuality Specialist who’s intention is to empower and awaken both Men and Women the world over. Ares believes his purpose in life is in being of service to the Divine, and that the healthy masculine can only ever be built on a foundation of the healthy feminine. Ares is a Landmark Graduate who is trained in both N.L.P. and Hypnosis and is also a Reiki Master and Tarot Reader. He also wishes he was a lot funnier!
Ares and his partner Rosie Rees coach both men and women and help them to connect in more deeply with their divine selves, as well as with their partners on a spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional and sexual level. They do this through talk therapy, ancient tantric, yogic, meditative and bodywork techniques.