As a single woman trolling through Tinder for the better half of 2014…I ended up meeting my boyfriend organically, i.e. by natural causes.
The truth is, as soon as I let go, did some serious soul work, cut energetic and physical chords with other men hanging around, and incorporated a daily ‘sensual self-loving sadhana’…I had an amazing man walk into my life. But boy oh boy it took almost two years to get to that point!
Besides, Tinder was a mindless distraction…just another form of social media to check and scroll through…and although I went on some beautiful dates with some beautiful men, it never felt quite 100% right.
I also never felt fully authentic. In my Tinder Bio I couldn’t pinpoint who I was and what I was looking for…hence that’s what I received (confused messages to the Universe = confused outcomes in Rosie’s lap). I didn’t feel I could be completely honest and upfront (c’mon imagine putting ‘Relationship Coach, Yoga Teacher and budding Sex Therapist seeking spiritual man with all his Chakras aligned‘ on Tinder – no male would take me seriously and if they did, they would jizz in their pants).
So how did I come to a place of peace in myself?
How did I end up meeting my partner organically?
What REAL WORK did I do before he came along to achieve a sense of love, compassion and acceptance within myself first?
I SURRENDERED AND LET GO
And whenever anyone said that to me…”They will pop up when you’re not even looking”….I just wanted to smack them across the face and kick them in the shin! I KNEW THAT. I WAS READY! HURRY UP ALREADY PRINCE CHARMING…I’M WAITING. But I totally wasn’t ready – I had a heap more work to do on myself before I surrendered to a man. I had to surrender to myself.
Whilst in Bali during the second instalment of my Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training, I made a conscious decision to surrender.
I didn’t even know what that looked like, but intuitively I knew I had to do it.
After two + years of a love/hate relationship with being single, I stopped resisting where I was…and just WAS.
With the regular travel to Mama Bali (a homeland of deep healing and a vortex for the wandering seeking soul), plenty of deep meditation & yoga, guidance from my Gurus and the support of some beautiful women (Kundalini Yoginis are the bomb!) I let go of the IDEA of finding someone to make me feel whole, complete…loved (there I said it).
I stopped BEING A VICTIM of being single…and I CHOSE to be single. I chose to actually enjoy the process of my growth and evolution, rather than resent and resist it.
This is a biggie!
I stopped waiting around for someone else to make me happy. To fill me up. To make me whole. For the man of my dreams (on Tinder) to sweep me off my feet. Besides, I can do all that!
Are you being a victim of being single? As in, are you suffering and struggling through the process…and just waiting around for someone to save you? Admittedly I was. I was attracting unavailable men, sleeping around seeking love, wasn’t looking after myself, constantly up and down and I gave up hope thinking ‘all the good men are taken, gay or just non existent’.
Don’t let this be you.
It’s all within you. Set the intention during your day, on your walks, during your yoga, on the way to work, to fully surrender and allow your higher self to step up and step forward to guide and support you. If you don’t know what this looks like – then contact me and we can talk!
Once we SURRENDER, we let go of RESISTANCE and ACCEPT who we are and where we are RIGHT NOW.
Which is basically the epitome of SELF LOVE.
Also, it’s totally true, the moment you surrender and let go of the neediness of finding someone, TA DAAAA, your perfect match is just waiting for you around the corner holding a bunch of flowers. But that’s not the point of surrendering. The point is to experience and witness for yourself the most incredible feeling in the world…feeling at peace.
I CUT CHORDS
This creates space.
Upon coming home from Bali, I ended all casual relationships I was pursuing and being pursued by.
None of the men I was dating felt 100% right anyway. I was just doing it to get my companion/affection/connection/fun/sex/date-night HIT. I felt out of authenticity as deep down I knew they were not the right man for me, but I still dated them because it was a DISTRACTION to my reality…and it was kinda fun.
Can I just highlight HOW HARD THIS WAS FOR ME!? To break up with these men who were chasing me, showering me with gifts, picking me up from the airport, taking me on dates, telling me about their families, their cats and dogs and childhood blah blah blah. By ending contact, I was basically cutting off my BLOOD SUPPLY!
Remember a lot of my WORTH and LOVE was coming from these external means (AKA men + sex). It wasn’t coming from within. But I knew the pain of letting them go, meant I could actually learn to love myself, instead of relying on an external supply. So I ripped it off like a band aid, and broke it off with the couple of guys I had on the go.
And it totally created spaciousness in my life!
Cutting physical and energetic chords with these men, brought more ENERGY back to ME. As soon as I ended my Tinder dabbling, I felt a sense of release and relief. I felt replenished with fresh, clean, raw and REAL energy – from me! My energy was no longer leaking or seeking. I was no longer in inauthenticity.
Big. Long. Sigh. Exhale!
Once I cut all ties with anyone that wasn’t in 100% integrity with my heart and soul…it created space for me to love me…and space for the right match to come along. Which he did…
I DID THE WORK ON MYSELF
It’s helpful to face your own demons first, so you can tackle them together as a partnership. However that’s not usually the case. I faced a lot of my demons whilst being single (wowsa, my shadow single self is a whole-lotta-unhealthy-feminine!), but I have faced A LOT more whilst being in a relationship. That’s what relationships DO. They bring it all up…all your triggers, shadows, insecurities and bring them to the forefront so you can heal them. They also bring your light, radiance, pleasure, joy and real raw love into your every cell for you to glow and shine! It’s the balance – the yin/yang!
So what’s all this work about?
When I say ‘work’ I mean the soul work – the real stuff – since everything in the physical realm is a manifestation and result from that on an energetic level.
If you ever want to do thorough work on yourself, my advice is to go and study Eastern philosophy/Yoga (I have completed two yoga teacher trainings in the past two years and they have both been the largest growth spurts in my life). Somehow the teachings, training, experiences and encounters have a way of bringing up every dark little black hole you have hidden and exposing them! It requires you to delve into your physical body and your spiritual body, and brings up your morals, values and the meaning of life. Throw some Kundalini Shakti in there, and it’s likely to bring up your sexual life force energy too! It’s a total mental cleanse.
The 6 months I spent studying Kundalini Yoga in 2014 were not just eye opening and educational from a yogic perspective, but it allowed me to tune into my soul and its true identity (Sat Nam). Learning the technology helped me undertake the REAL WORK on myself. I discovered that we are all connected. We are all energy. We are all one. And we are in God and God is in us…hence we are God. Which basically means we are LOVE. And if I AM love, then how can I not love ALL OF WHO I AM?
So with all this stuff spiralling around in my magnetic field, I began to accept and love who I was by doing the deep work – which means exposing my shadows and unhealthy feminine and masculine…and LOVING them anyway!
Life is a constant process of continuing to choose to love and accept who you are. And a large part of this self loving journey for me was actually LOVING MYSELF IN MOTION.
I incorporated a daily sensual sadhana (spiritual practice) with my Crystal Pleasure toys and WHOAA the transformation was almost instantaneous. I stopped self pleasuring just ‘to get off’ and stopped using desires or fantasies to stimulate my mind (and my pussy) and instead began to infuse UNCONDITIONAL SELF LOVE into my being, my Yoni, my body, by infusing that very intention into the Crystal Pleasure Wand or Jade Egg.
Self Love and Self Pleasure is different for everyone. For me it was and still is a large part of my self love practice. It’s more like a moving meditation. Since the physical act of sex was such a large part of filling up my cup and feeling worthy, by me essentially making love to myself, I bypassed the need to have another person do that for me, and hence I filled myself up from the inside. The far more fulfilling way to fill up your cup…and your yoni…as it all starts with you.
OVER TO YOU…
Are you being a victim of being single? If so, how can you own it, love it and enjoy the process?
What do YOU need to do to let go?
How can you surrender to your singledom or your current situation?
What soul work is calling you?
What needs more ACCEPTANCE from you?
What are your SELF LOVE rituals?
How can you fill yourself up with your real, authentic, unconditional self LOVE?
Love your singledom, follow your passions, do the soul work and witness the organic surprises coming your way!