I have been single for about 18 months and in this time I have discovered, learnt and uncovered so, so much about myself! I’ve experienced spiritual, emotional, sexual and physical shifts both on a physical and metaphysical level and I have significantly changed how I go about my daily life…from what I eat, who I spend time with/share my energy with, who I open up to sexually, to how much I exercise and what thoughts I allow in my mind. But more than anything I have really grown and come into my own.
What does this mean?
It means I seriously value and enjoy the time I spend with myself; my me-time. I have learnt to love myself more than ever, to put more time and energy into my health and fitness, to accept & adore the things I cannot change, to challenge myself daily, embrace & harness my femininity and sexual energy in a healthy and fulfilling way and I am now also super conscious of who I spend time with and where my energy is directed. I am my own raving fan! We all have to be, because if we’re not..who will be?!
In my early 20s I spread myself pretty thin! I would literally go on a few dates a week and hang out with everyone and anyone…going out & getting drunk, going to festivals, parties, not really caring about who I was with, just wanting to be surrounded by people – anything besides being by myself. I was satisfied by others. I vented out my problems to anyone who would listen seeking their advice instead of my own. I opened up to the wrong guys and ended up broken hearted. I was constantly sick, low in energy, run down and battling something.
Fast forward 6 years and I crave alone time to meditate, write, blog, read, walk, chill, re-energise & re-calibrate. I couldn’t think of anything worse than going on a different date every night, suffering constant hang overs, telling everyone my problems, wearing fluro headbands & denim shorts giving me a giant wedgie at a festival with drunken idiots in V neck singlets lower than anything I own! If I am sick these days, instead of going to the doctor to get antibiotics or something to fix it, I pick up a Louis L Hays book and assess what the deeper issue might be. Being single in my late 20s is a drastically different state of mind to being single in my early 20s. I certainly haven’t spent the last year pining after a boyfriend, chasing potentials, surfing RSVP/e-harmony (no I never did this anyway…except for ‘My Single Friend’ for fun a few times in London!), going on many dates or really putting myself out there. Not intentionally…it just hasn’t felt right. I just let it flow and don’t force anything…
The perks of being single…
It’s a great old time to learn more about yourself and what makes you tick.
You can discover new hobbies and talents and passions.
Meet new people and make new friends (plus build stronger relationships with your current friends)
Focus your energy on your career.
You can put YOU first (cook what you want, sleep when you want etc)
You can be as selfish and independent as you want!
OK this is not a Rosie Selling Single gig, however you get the gist. My point is I know a lot of women who are single and hating it and a lot of women who are in a relationship but too scared to get out…so this is to show that it’s not all doom & gloom going to bed solo!
Is the spark there?
For me now, if I meet a guy and that connection, that spark, that nice, juicy mixture of energy isn’t present and it doesn’t feel totally right, I pass. I don’t just go along for shits and giggles just because ‘you never know’ or because I am bored and have nothing better to do. I don’t waste my time and precious energy – a very valuable commodity! I am far more in tune with my intuition and when something doesn’t click, I will listen to my gut, rather than give the benefit of the doubt. Don’t get me wrong I still hover and try things out every now and again, however I am more conscious and aware of the energy I am giving out and what I am receiving from the other person. If the energy or gesture doesn’t sit right with me or makes me feel uncomfortable, I now communicate my boundaries rather than staying quiet, prioritisng their pleasure and pretending everything is OK. Big stuff huh!
Your divine, higher self will always guide you on the right path. It’s like having your own personal radio station; you have to tune into the frequency to get on the right wave length to hear it clearly.
I have had a few little ‘things’ here and there over the past year but each guy I have attracted into my realm has either been emotionally unavailable (taken) or physically unavailable (moving interstate or overseas – both him or me). Upon reflection, it makes me realise that, in fact, I am/was the one who was unavailable. Having written the e-book The Manifestation Method, I should know a thing of two about manifesting things into your life, and in hindsight I was attracting unattainable men because I didn’t want to be tied down or commit to anyone. I didn’t understand this at the time – I just thought ‘how annoying is this! All the guys I want are either gone, going or taken, dammit! ’. Little did I know that I was actually manifesting it myself AND self sabotaging myself.
The truth was, deep down I was not ready to be in a relationship, and that’s totally OK. I don’t need to be married with kids at 26! Who said that was the ‘right’ thing to do anyway? Everyone is on their own beautiful, unique path and the Universe reflects what you put out there…and whatever you emit, you receive back.
So, ask yourself…
What vibes are you putting out there?
What have you manifested in your relationships, singledom, breakups?
Are you able to discover and grow yourself while in your relationship? (If so, great!)
Are you taking advantage of your quality you-time? (Get. It. In. You!)
Are you tuning into your higher self for guidance?
Until next time, happy single life you..sexy beasts..you!