Today’s Hump Day interview is with the smart, sexy and talented Dr Nikki Goldstein – Australia’s leading Sexologist and Relationship Expert.
R: Whenever I tell someone I want to be a Sex Therapist, I always get the same dumbfounded look of confusion and intrigue. How do you describe to someone exactly what you do?
N: I try and start out soft. If I can help it I don’t tell someone straight up what I do until I get to speak to them and gauge where they are at. When I explain to them what I do, I tell them simply I am a Sexologist and my focus is on educating and empowering people. I find it doesn’t really tell the entire story but it is a start.
R: What made you want to become a Sexologist and Relationship Expert?
N: I have always been interested in the dynamics of relationships. At uni I took the subject, love, sex and relationships and lets just say it was probably my favourite one. After completing Psychology and Counseling degrees and an internship as a relationship counselor, I ended up working as a family mediator. Divorcing people for a living was a real eye opener and it made me realise that I wanted to be a part of helping people in relationships instead of assisting them in a divorce. I felt that too many people were trying to fit into a mould that didn’t belong to them because there were not aware of other choices.
“We need to understand how our own bodies work and what turns us on as individuals and combine this with communication with our partner.”
R: Working as a Divorce Counselor for Relationships Australia, what were the common issues as to why couples were splitting and what were your top tips in helping them save their marriage?
N: I would say that people were getting married for the wrong reasons and trying to fit into this mould of the ideal martial happiness that maybe was not working for them. Instead of working out what they really wanted out of a relationship, they were too concerned with the ideal that was maybe placed into their heads as a child, the so called fairy tale. A lot of people got caught up with the wedding, the dress, the day but after all the cake was gone they were left with a marriage that might not have been working out the way they wanted. (I was mediating so by the time they got to me, they were getting separating not staying together)
R: What’s the funniest thing about your job? (I noticed you went to the US recently for a conference on sex toys!)
N: I probably have too many moments to share but I will give you my top three.
1. Having an electrician tell me he can’t bring his young apprentices over to work in my apartment because of all the sex toys lying around
2. Being on a porn set in LA and ducking as a condom came flying at us behind the cameras
3. Having someone tell you that they found one of my business cards (a Dr Nikki condom) laying around on the street somewhere
R: What do you think owes to the fact that taboos around sex, orgasms, kink, S&M, swinging, pleasure toys, anal etc. is finally starting to become more open to discussion and of popular interest? (think 50 Shades…)
N: I think a lot has to do with the content and imagery we are being exposed to and the fast rate we are being exposed to. In previous times we had to rely on books and movies such as deep throat that was used to be shown at an adult cinema. We now have chat rooms, porn sites, YouTube, social media and the sexual content that goes with it. You can find out whatever you want to know at the click of a button and share it with all your friends. We are being exposed at a rapid speed without the support or educating on how to process it.
R: Would you agree that Gen Y’s are becoming more sexualised or ‘sex-savvy’ from a younger age and therefore more sex education and relationship counseling is needed in schools?
N: As I stated above due to the rapid exposure of sexual imagery people are getting a warped speed education in sex that might not be accurate or age appropriate. We are never going to be able to fight this and with things like porn, we can never protect children against the negative effects or stop them from being exposed. The only way we can help this situation is through the power of education and teach teen and young adults how to view and analyse this material if they are exposed. We also need to teach communication between children and their parents. We need children to turn to their parents when they see something, hear something or experiences something sexually might confuse them.
R: In your own opinion, what is the key to a healthy, fun-filled sex life?
N: Understanding that there is no such thing as normal when it comes to sex and we should not try fit into any so called “standards” around our sexuality. We need to understand how our own bodies work and what turns us on as individuals and combine this with communication with our partner. We all need to talk about sex more. We need to talk about sex more with our friends, parents, children and most of all partners. The more we talk, the more we learn and normalise. Sex should no longer be a taboo topic and this is the best way we can change that.
R: What’s next for you? What do we have to look forward to in the juicy, sexy world of Dr Nikki Goldstein!?
World domination, lol. I am working on two books at the moment, a podcast and some top secret projects that I can’t reveal yet but I can definitely tell you to watch this space.
Dr. Nikki Goldstein BIO:
With a Bachelor in Psychology, a Postgraduate Diploma in Counselling and a Doctorate of Human Sexuality with San Francisco’s esteemed Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, Dr Nikki Goldstein is fast becoming Australia’s most in demand sexologist. Currently appearing as a regular on the Seven Network’s ‘The Morning Show’ and ‘Sunrise’, as well as contributing to Marie Claire, Cleo and Cosmopolitan magazine, you can now also find Nikki’s regular columns with Maxim and Yahoo7. Nikki also broadcasts on Sydney’s Mix FM, The Edge 96 and appears weekly for Austereo’s nationally syndicated Hot 30 program on her own segment, Naughty at 9:40. She has also been featured in LA on programs such as the NBC news and Playboy radio. Nikki’s fresh and candid insights on the delicate subjects of sex and relationships are hitting a chord with everyone she comes in contact with. And now adding to her list of accomplishments is the Eros Shine Awards Australian Best Sex Educator and Adult Industry Trailblazer Award for 2012. When Nikki received her Doctorate from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, she was the first Australian ever to receive the accolade.
Now get out there and get your sex on ladies and gents! 😉