Jessica Nazarali is a Business & Success Coach who helps women create thriving coaching or solo professional business. I caught up with Jess to talk all things relationships, marriage and how space is the key!
So you recently got married, congratulations! You’re such a spring chicken – how did you know he was the one?
About 6 months into the relationship. I remember telling a girlfriend how happy I was and that I couldn’t imagine my life without Faiz and from that day forward it became clearer and clearer. I’m really lucky to have found him so early on in life. He challenges me to be the best person I can be each and every single day.
In relation to your upbringing, how much do you think your parents’ relationship/marriage affected your own ideals?
Interesting question! I’ve never really thought about it before..
My parents have been married for over 30 years and have been through their ups and downs. I think seeing them together and overcoming their challenges has shown me the importance of commitment, family and sticking through the tough times.
Now being a wifey and all, how do you strike the balance and keep your independence? Has much changed since you put a ring on it?
It’s funny but I would say I’m the most independent I’ve ever been despite being married! Early on in our relationship I was very clingy and wanted to be with Faiz all the time. Gosh even thinking about it now is so embarrassing! Now I’m secure in our relationship, I want him to spend time doing things that make him happy and if that doesn’t involve me for an hour, day or week that’s cool with me. I’m also very focused on my business and clients and relationships with my girlfriends which keeps me busy 🙂
Our relationship feels slightly different after getting married, it feels a little more secure but nothing drastic has changed. We had lived together for over 2 years before getting married so there were no real surprises!
Is there any difficult situations you have encountered along the way? i.e. age difference, cultural differences, morals/beliefs, sexual compatibility etc.
The issues that we faced early on in our relationship stemmed mainly from my own insecurities. I had so many expectations on how things “should” be and when they didn’t meet my expectations I thought something was wrong or that he didn’t “love me enough”.
As soon as I started working on myself and dealing with my own crap our relationship improved 10 fold!
Some people think marriage is a waste of time and money – what would you say to them?
I think a “wedding” can be a waste of time and money, but not a marriage. You can get married for a few hundred dollars it’s the reception and everything else that makes it expensive. Personally, I like the idea of being married, but I know couples who have been together for years, have children and have no intention of getting married. You got to do whatever works for you and your partner.
Long engagement or short? And why?
Long. A year and a half to be precise! The reason it was so long was because we couldn’t decide on what type of wedding we wanted and how to accommodate the different cultures. Faiz is Canadian with Indian heritage and I’m Australian from the Hunter Valley so it was rather difficult to decide on something which suited everyone. We looked at venues in Sydney and Hunter Valley and didn’t find anything we liked; we actually looked into eloping because it was all getting too complicated!
We ended up having a destination wedding with 28 people at the Wynn in Las Vegas (and no it wasn’t an Elvis wedding!) and we then had a traditional 3 day Indian wedding in Edmonton, Canada for Faiz’s extended family.
For the singlelites: What advice (from your single days) would you give people who are single and really really ready to mingle but can’t seem to meet anyone?
Stop waiting to meet someone to complete you – You’re already complete and whole as you are! And deal with your own stuff, so when you meet someone you’re ready and able to fully commit.
For the people in committed relationships: What is the key to a happy relationship, or marriage in your case?
I love the poem Marriage by Khalil Gibran (it was read at our wedding ceremony) one of my favourite lines in the poem is…
But let there be spaces in your togetherness.
Having space to do your own thing when you’re in a relationship is incredibly important. Your partner can’t be your whole world and you can’t be relying on them to make you happy. That is too much pressure for one person to handle and who wants their happiness to be in the control of someone else anyway?
You deserve to be in full control of your life and happiness regardless of your relationship status.
Visit www.jessicanazarali.com to find out more about Jessica 🙂