What I’m into
I’m into humiliation, slave and master scenarios; being totally submissive. Before now, when I first started having sex I was always very unintentionally submissive as I was very shy. It wasn’t till later in life as I got more confident I could use that submissiveness in role play. It has now gotten to the extent of not being so much role-play but reality. Being told what to do, things done to me I have no control over. Being tied up, with objects forced into me. Pretend rape scenarios, getting slapped, whipped and being forced to cry is the climax; the main point of the act.
Its not play anymore, its real.
Just typing this up is getting me horny.
Who am I?
I’m not a bad person, I don’t have any issues, i’m healthy confident horny girl.
I don’t have daddy issues.
It started when I was around 20 (I’m now 27), still very shy, too afraid to watch real porn I started watching hentai, the Asian animation porn. I never got turned on by the classic boy loves girl movies, for me it always ended up being a girl crying, tied up, against her will. It kept going for a long time, just watching hentai. I was having sex at the time but I was just too shy to ask the guy to do that to me. Then I had a two year break, travelling and working around the world.
When I got back to Australia, I started watching real porn with people, it had to be the ones with gang bangs, or a girl in a small cage, all kinds of contraptions and restraints. If the girl was enjoying it I stopped and moved to one where she was crying or humiliated.I wasn’t turned on by her, I was turned on by imagining it was me.
How it all started
Then I met this guy while travelling now. His expertise is rape fantasies, and violence. A young guy, in his early 30s. The funny thing is is that we haven’t actually had sex as now he is back home in the States. We started flirting online. We talk a lot. He makes me take photos, or perform sexual acts on camera. He calls me a slut and a whore on Skype, threatens to lock me up abuse me with dildos.
Knowing that someone out there liked it as much as I did, gave me the confidence to just ask guys. “Hey can you choke me?”, “Hey can you go anal while holding a rope around my neck?” and i would say about 60 percent do it with pleasure!
How it affects my life
I think about sex all the time, even in my sleep. The sleepgasms started when I was about 15, once a week, but now can get up to 3 to 4 times. Now I walk past a table and think ‘I could get strapped to that’, or walk past a group of guys and think ‘force me down and one cock in each hole’…. it does effect my life, it has become such a part of my day that I cant stop.
I’m a nice girl
I cant stress how much of a normal, chilled out, friendly girl I am. I travel, volunteer, feed stray dogs with treats I carry in my bag… I’m probably the nicest person you will ever meet.
I wouldn’t call myself a slut. I have slept with a lot of guys, in the region of around 40ish, you loose count after a while. Maybe i’m just saying it to reassure myself.
I can’t help it
I feel as though I cant help but want to have sex. I’m not doing it for the guys, not doing it for money or to get him to like me, i’m doing it for my own sexual gratification.
I’m not ugly, not weird, I do dress provocatively, and talk kinky and put a lot of sexual innuendos into my conversations. I have met some girls who are into it, but none as far as what i’m into.
Some people have told me that i’m sick, or perverted.
I am very open about my sexuality, and I use that openness as a flirting technique.
I say i like bondage, or anal out loud in a group of people to see which guy responds, you know, which guy looks at me with a twinkle in his eye. And its that easy! We are usually fucking within the hour.
Oh and I prefer the term fucking too, ‘sex’ is too romantic.
Open & honest communication
It is so important to tell my partner what i’m into, or i will definitely not enjoy it. I actually had to get ‘permission’ from my master in the U.S., the guy on the internet, to submit this article.
Sex is my life
For me sex is my life now. I don’t even need to really orgasm, crying is like an orgasm to me. I still cum 3-4 times a day though, i don’t even need to touch myself. I feel absolutely no shame in my sex life, I put it out there, maybe a bit too much, but when i’m in a large group I always bring up sex into the conversation, I like to play ‘never have i ever’ to show people how much of a crazy sex life I’ve had. It is not just the sex or humiliation, its the control and order I crave. I want to forced to feel things because it makes you feel safer.
It’s given me confidence
As much as the BDSM and humiliation is about being submissive and ‘broken’, its has made me so much more confident in myself, the way i feel about my body.
My sex life is amazing, and with all that forced bending over a chair with legs tiep up against my arms I’m getting a good work out too!
Im not really looking for relationships, for me this is not the goal at this time in my life. I do sleep with the same guy for a week, then its ‘thanks for the choking session last night have fun in your life’.
I would eventually like to be submissive to one guy, a ‘master’ if you will. Someone special that I love, who shares the same interests outside of the bedroom.
Now knowing that so many guys out there into this type of relationship, normal guys, handsome guys, young or old, I know one day I will find my Master, for me, the fact that I am sexually perveresd, the whole point of the relationship has to be sex.
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