No Sex September (for love-addicts)
Sex can take up a huge chunk of our energy –
The thought of sex, the fantasy, the desire, the lead up, the build up, the chase, the choosing (the swiping), the courting, the outfit, the lipstick, the gym work outs, the act of sex, the orgasm, the ejaculation, the ‘after-care’, the follow up, the safety, the vulnerability – the whole process can consume a lot of our time, energy and emotion.
…if we let it.
As human beings, we have a natural, innate instinct to have sex; to procreate. It’s hard-wired into our body and our consciousness.
There is no denying, we are driven by the desire to have sex.
And there is a huge emphasis on sex in our society, media, entertainment, but also in our relationships.
Once you have consummated the relationship (i.e. had sex), it can often change the dynamic and it also becomes the focus (whether you’re having a little or a lot).
When I used to coach couples, I would often encourage them to take a month off having sexual intercourse.
Initially the couples were shocked at my suggestion but then when I explained my reasoning, they quickly understood why it would be beneficial to the spirit of the relationship and their connection with Self.
So what’s this all about?
Whether it’s chocolate, coffee, drugs, food, porn, social media or alcohol (for example dry July where we go without alcohol for a month), it’s important to cleanse our bodies from time to time.
Now, I am not suggesting sex is “bad” – not in the slightest. I love sex!
However, sex (and/or self pleasure) like anything else, can become an addiction for many people; something we feel we need to have to survive.
Something to look forward to…
Something to focus on…
Something to be distracted by…
Something to chase, pursue and conquer…
If you’re a “love-addict”, you’ll know what I mean.
Love addicts seek to “perpetually extend this surge of brain chemicals, using it to get high in the same way and for the same reasons, that alcoholics and drug addicts abuse their substance of choice”.
I am taking this opportunity for the month of September to go inwards, reconnect with my self and observe where my sexual energy might be leaking out, distracting me, getting wasted away or going unconscious and into the shadows (not uncommon for me!).
And here is why:
1. Re-channel your energy
Sexual energy is the strongest energy we have and it can over-take our mind and hijack our thoughts.
If we spend too much time in our Base and Sacral Chakras they can become over-active, making you feel constantly hungry for connection, attention, sex, intimacy and closeness; almost like a leaking bottomless pit — nothing can fill up your cup no matter how hard you try (because it’s an external form of validation…).
So to re-channel our sexual energy is to re-direct it.
By practicing a regular yoga practice and incorporating meditation into our daily lives, we can begin to raise our sexual energy into our higher Chakras, aiming to hold and contain this powerful life-force energy in our Heart Chakra and project it from here.
Visualising our sexual energy (you can give it a colour or a texture) and imagining it rising up from the Yoni (vagina) or Lingham (penis) and inviting it into our power centre and heart space, we can begin to transmute it into other creative ventures and projects, whilst also allowing the powerful sexual energy to HEAL any blockages, pain or ailments we have in the body.
2. Create or birth something new
In essence our sexual energy creates babies, and if we’re not creating babies – what are we creating?
Nature wants us to pro-create and keep our species alive. However, I don’t know about you, but I am not making any babies at the moment and I only intend to make one or two in my life time. So all that precious life-force energy generated from the thought or act of sex can be effectively channeled into other things.
When we can harness and cultivate our sexual energy, incredible power is available to us. Take a moment now to imagine where you could channel your sexual energy into?
Rather than self pleasuring or have sex, what could be doing?
Do you have a project you want to throw yourself into?
Do you have an idea that you want to expand on?
A workshop you want to deliver?
A training you want to attend and give all your energy?
Diverting your sexual energy is an empowering way of bringing your full attention, presence and essence to how you’re serving humanity and showing up in the world.
3. Learn something new about yourself or partner
Taking sex off the menu will spark all sorts of emotions and conversations with yourself and your partner.
If you’re in a relationship it can often feel like there is a pressure to have amazing sex all the time.
If you’re single it can often feel like you’re seeking out a partner or sex so you don’t feel alone.
So when you remove sex from the equation, it frees up time and space to look into different areas in your relationship and different parts of yourself.
Perhaps you want to focus on kissing for the month?
Or manual stimulation and giving each other tantric massages without the need to ejaculate or orgasm?
Maybe you want to focus on playing, having fun together or going on adventures?
If you’re single, maybe you will want to dance more and learn more about your body and movement?
Running sexual energy in your body without the need to take it further?
Massaging your breasts with all your attention, presence and devotion?
A regular yoni egg practice?
What will happen is you will inevitably discover new parts of yourself and your partner, that are not related to the act of sex and it will also make you look forward to it (even more!).
This will look different for everyone…
It’s not wise to disconnect or suppress your sexual energy, rather channel it into something else – YOURSELF. If you’re not having much sex as it is or don’t have a lover or partner, see if you can not masturbate for the month and channel your energy into:
+ A new project or business venture
+ Your yoga practice
+ A marathon
Your celibacy or sublimation is going to look different to other people. Here are some examples of what you might forego for the month:
+ Not having a clitoral peak orgasm
+ Sublimating and not ejaculating
+ No sex
+ No porn
+ No masturbation
+ Going off Tinder / dating websites
Remember that sexuality is the creative energy, it is what created us, and it is the greatest force there is.
Never underestimate the power of sex and sexuality. Let’s bring our denser, darker, shadow aspects of ourself into the light…
I would love to hear how this article relates to you and how you feel about the prospect of forgoing sex?
Love Rosie x