It’s such a funny thing when you actually really think about it. I mean, who one day decided as a form of affection or fondness to lock lips and stick their tongue down each other’s throat swapping all sorts of saliva and germs? Really…
Logicality aside, boy isn’t it an amazing old thing we do! Just take a trip down memory lane for a minute and remember back to your first kiss…whether it was on the school bus, at the movies, on the sports oval after a carnival or at a pool party playing truth and dare (yes that was me…luckily being dared to smooch my primary school crush Joshua O’Connor), and morph back into your adolescent self…feel those electric feelings again, that burning hot desire, those giddy emotions in your stomach, the butterflies trying to escape your throat, experiencing every part of the other persons mouth, their bubbly taste buds, their plump lips and soft cheeks. Remember how incredible those feelings and sensations felt and how you were seeing stars and couldn’t get that memory out of your head for days!? Maybe it was puppy love, or all the hormones running through my veins (or both) but I remember literally feeling weak in the knees experiencing any form of skin on skin contact (yes, holding hands) let alone an open mouth kiss!
Now come back to today, the present moment. Do you still feel these feelings when you have a snog? Whether you’re single or in a relationship, do you still get those urges, tinglings and sensations in your belly (or further down south) when you kiss your partner or someone you’re dating? And if not, why not?
Having been in a few long term relationships myself, I discovered the one thing that inevitably fades is the kissing factor. Why is it that the longer we’re in a relationship for, the more we put kissing into the’ too hard basket’ or onto the backburner? Is it because we don’t feel like it anymore because we’re in the comfort zone and a bit complacent or is it just out of pure laziness? What happens when you hit that one or two year mark in your relationship and you tend to forget about the simple niceties of the good ol’ pash? What a shame that kissing foreplay is put in the passenger seat and you jump straight to the main meal, skipping the entree (foreplay kissing) and the dessert (post foreplay kissing)!
A new study has found that men in long-term relationships are more likely to be satisfied with their relationships if they’re getting lots of hugs, kisses, cuddles and other signs of physical affection. And here’s us women thinking all men want is sex! Yet, it’s the simple pleasures – the kisses, the spooning, the stroking hair, back tickles or massages– that start to matter more as the relationship grows.
So why are we so quick to abandon the ‘make-out ship’…especially when it used to feel so damn good?
Because we’re creatures of habit and sometimes, well, due to a plethora of reasons the longer we’re in a relationship, the more comfortable we get, the more sexually detached we may become to our partners, the less horny we feel and less attracted or attractive we might perceive ourselves or partners. Realistically, it should be the opposite way round as we fall more in love with someone we should become more attracted, more sexually satisfied, more open-minded and more adventurous…not less. Obviously not all couples experience these respective situations, but from my own studies and sessions there is also a pretty sizable chunk of men and women out there who do experience this desire discrepancy.
So if you’ve been in your relationship for some time and either you or your partner are feeling a bit disengaged and you can’t remember what the inside of their mouth feels like, then get back into your ‘Teenage Snogging Mode’ and make out until your tongue gets sore! It will do wonders for your relationship and for your sex-life. Get back on the horse and bring mind-blowing kissing back into the forefront and forget about other stimulation for a night. Embrace a heavy pettying, pash-fest instead of skipping straight to home base – it will connect you on a deeper level! Don’t be afraid to tell him/her how you like to be kissed and ask him/her how they like it too. Kissing is a two-way street and is about reading body language and having some self awareness about your own mouth and theirs. I call it ‘intuitive kissing’ – listening and feeling into the other persons kiss and not just diving in there doing whatever you want (the tongue worm) or on the contrary letting them do all the work. If they’re the right one for you, they won’t judge or become bitter or offended, they will want to please you. Some explamples include: do you like it when I nibble you here, or suck your lip there, lots of tongue or less tongue, more pecking less licking, biting the neck R-Patz style, nuzzling, in public/private places etc.
A client of mine recently expressed to me that after being in a relationship for a couple of years, she finally decided to tell her boyfriend how she really liked to be kissed (on both ‘lips’!!), which is fantastic and slightly daunting at the same time as you never know how the other person will react. Obviously don’t leave it too long, but it’s better late than never as communication is key and if you want to feel good and you plan on being with this person for a long time, it’s best to tell them how you like it NOW…whether it’s their kissing style or otherwise. It’s paramount in my opinion, especially considering they say the way someone kisses is the way they have sex.
Kissing is a great way to connect us back to our youth; our inner-teenager. It’s a great way of recreating that chemistry and those puppy-love feelings felt in the early stages of a relationship. It releases an abundance of pheromones, dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and adrenaline into our system and is good for the mind, body and soul and to connect us on a deeper level with our partner.
So get out there and get your kiss on cheeky…don’t be shy!