Sometimes I yearn to be manually stimulated.
Not intercourse, not oral, not kissing nor mutual stimulation.
Just good ol’ fashioned fingers, inside me. Filling me up.
Some will cringe or squirm at this term ‘fingering’, but settle in, grab a cuppa and get used to it because I’m going there!
For women, besides kissing, finger play is usually their first sexual experience. And as with most firsts, it’s usually tainted with fumbliness, embarrassment, awkwardness, guilt, pain, shame or uncertainty. And coming from my own experience, is usually taken place in a strange, taboo location (cinema or school grounds come to mind…) and far too rushed, in fear of getting caught.
But all of this cloudiness and uncomfortability around fingering changed a few years ago when I had an experience with a tantric lover who performed what he called ‘manual stimulation’ on me.
And it was such an intimate, salacious, opening experience that totally and completely cracked me open – sexually, spiritually and emotionally.
No one had ever solely focused on just doing that before.
Fingering was always a prelude, a taste tester, a poke, a prod, a preview, a teaser to get me going. It was never the main meal!
And it was a delicious, life changing main meal.
There was no expectation that it should lead to sex or that I need to reciprocate the favour. It was simply an experience that needed to move through me, literally, and he energetically felt that.
It was my sexual healing. And I felt physically different after the experience. I walked different. Spoke different. Laughed different. I walked more confidently, more open, more sexy.
I even looked different!
It wasn’t just the physical act that opened me up. It was his presence. His unnerving hunger and desire to solely focus on me and my pleasure. And the way everything else in the world completely disappeared and faded.
Let me not dismiss the physical technique, because therein lies the secret – the key.
It wasn’t just a poke or a prod. He used numerous gestures with his fingers. Such as….
- The ‘come hither’ gesture for pin-pointing and pleasuring the G-spot. Men you can find out how to locate this best here.
- The ‘walking back and forth’ motion with his fingers.
- Gentle, delicate strokes.
- Deep thrusts.
- Sliding in and out.
- ‘Jack Rabbit’ finger-banging.
- Twisting and turning the fingers.
- Opening and closing the fingers.
Some will say – why not just have sex? It’s just as penetrative, but mutually pleasurable, and more sensual.
I will compare my tantric experience to something called OMing. The basic premise of OMing, or Orgasmic Meditation, is that a man will focus solely on a woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes by looking at it, describing it, stroking it with his finger and honouring it, in a safe, sacred space or ‘nest’. In this space, he allows a woman to be vulnerable, to relax, to open, to climax or to feel an elated state of pleasurable meditation. His presence is vital. She may cry, laugh, moan, orgasm, or feel nothing. There is no right or wrong.
In my opinion the reason OMing has taken off the way it has is because it makes women feel unbelievably special. During those 15 minutes, we are the centre of attention. The focal point. The only thing that he is looking at, feeling, soaking up and enjoying. We don’t need to worry about what happens next – it’s a present moment thing. And the man is rewarded by seeing her experience her utmost pleasure state!
And, essentially, that’s what a woman wants! To feel special. Number one. The centre of attention. Loved. Honoured. Acknowledged for her openness, beauty, sexuality, courage and vulnerability.
To feel his presence on her, and nothing else, not even his own pleasure.
That’s what she yearns for.
There is a totally different energy associated with sex versus manual stimulation.
Both are penetrative and sensual, yes. Driving a manual car, or performing manual labour, is harder work – granted. However just like a driving a manual car you can change gears, be in control and go faster, quicker. And just like manual labour makes you strong, fit, healthy, resilient – so does manual stimulation.
It’s a selfless, physical, exerting, hot & steamy act. And we LOVE it!
Besides, fingers have a different energy than a penis.
We get things done using our fingers and hands. Our fingertips hold such powerful, healing energy and act like semiconductors – generating electricity. Have you ever just held your hands over your heart or palms close together and felt the energetic pull?
Many healers use their hands during energy work. It’s their divine, life force energy, their Chi, that they channel into the patient.
Ancient Chinese palmistry traditions believe that each finger embodies a different element and displays and generates the characteristic of that element in the person.
Ancient Yogic and Vedic traditions believe that each finger holds a different planetary energy which when stimulated can direct energy through the nadi channels to different parts of the body.
Imagine using these electrical, powerful, ancient extremity modalities in a sexual sense and the healing capacity it can generate, penetrate and achieve.
So I invite you to recreate your experience of manual stimulation with your partner, lover, (or yourself).
Ask your partner to simply:
Send all your love, passion and fire into those potent fingertips, and experience the power.
Note: keep fingernails short, have lubricant on hand, vocally admire her yoni and always always always ask what feels good and what she likes.