We all have a ‘type’.
For some it has to do about looks, for others it’s about personality. Sometimes it might involve aspects like security, money, humour, spirituality, status, physique, style or even height.
You might always go for the Football Player, or maybe you prefer the Corporate Executive. Some like the Mysterious Musician, the Bondi Hipster, the Surfy Bum or even the Nerdy Intellectual. You get my gist. We all have different types who we have a preference for, and there are numerous reasons why we go for who we go for.
One theory is that we are subconsciously attracted to someone similar to our father, or someone who possesses similar qualities. According to Lin Edwards, people are attracted to people similar to their kin or tribe, or people who resemble their parents or themselves. Other research has shown that women who have good relationships with their fathers seek out men with similar traits and features. Similarly, women who have had a negative relationship with their Dad went on to have tumultuous relationships with partners. This theory is quite a broad generalisation, and might not always be the case, but to relate it to myself I would have to agree in a sense. My father is charismatic/funny (or thinks he is sometimes), sporty/health conscious and career-driven/successful – all qualities I look for in a man. I’ve also had my fair share of turbulent relationships with men – possibly due to the fact that I didn’t essentially grow up day-to-day with my father, hence I would often attempt try to replace that father-figure with a boyfriend – in the search of security, protection and essentially to be looked after or taken care of. Warning! Trying to fill the void with an external stimulant or someone else will just replace one evil with another. Any form of healing begins within, not without.
Another theory is that opposites attract. Think about it…two of the same energy charged magnets detract from each other, not attract (AKA no one wants to date themselves!) It’s nice and refreshing to learn about opposing opinions, cultures, tastes & perspectives; otherwise it would eventually get stale and boring. Differences add to the chemistry and attraction. In saying that, they also say to make it work in a relationship you have to have stuff in common, and I’m talking about more than your coffee order or the fact that you both prefer Home & Away over Neighbours (this is a deal breaker for me, by the way!). If you’re too different to one another, it might be a relationship-killer especially if you have differing moral standpoints. So if you’re in hitting up the dating scene, make sure you pick up on the small hints that might drop into the conversation. For example if you’re out for dinner and there is a screeching child at the next table and he/she rolls their eyes saying how much they hate children and never want to have them, know that this might crop up as an issue down the track. You might find their differences or quirks cute at first, but then blatantly irritating after the honeymoon period is over, so be sure to take notice of the small things – as small things can become big things.
Then there is the wanting what you can’t have. Once you know something is hard to get, unavailable or off-limits, it often makes it more enticing or appealing…and I am talking about more than wanting an Inner Thigh Clearance (ITC) even when you know perfectly well it’s not in your genetic make up to have model, skinny legs! I’m talking about the innate human nature to want a challenge, chase, or a mystery as opposed to everything being offered on a silver platter. Playing the game and waiting a couple of hours to reply to a text is fine, however blatantly wanting what you can’t have is a dangerous game to play, because it can blow up in your face (and others) depending on which level you take it. Whether you have a crush on your best friend’s boyfriend or you’re having an affair with your married boss, both the thought and the action are as bad as each other, because the intention is there and we all know how thoughts become things. Chasing the unavailable guy or the player who plays hard to get is simply attracting these kinds of people into your world, which will only attract more drama, stress & heart-ache, eventually leaving you sobbing on your mother’s couch eating cookies and cream ice-cream and popcorn (at the same time) watching Bridgette Jones in your PJs. My mantra is ‘simplify your life’. So the next time you find yourself pining after Mr Off-Limits, stop & think to yourself – will this person simplify my life or create more drama?
On another note, I’m sure you’ve all heard of the ‘bad boy’ vs. ‘nice guy’ quandary. There are women who tend to go for the same type of guy, despite the fact that it’s not beneficial to their wellbeing. You hear of those awful stories of women who are trapped by abusive boyfriends, and when they eventually break free, they are just sucked in again…going back and giving in to the very thing they despise, out of habit, fear and insecurity. Any intelligent, self-respecting, confident woman would know what is good for her. There are only so many times you can try and shove a square peg in a round hole. That is, if it didn’t work the first time, chances are it won’t work out well the second. If you’re into the bad ass, then you’re asking for trouble and without sounding too abrupt, you deserve what you get. Yes they can be sexy and alluring with their tats and rugged looks, but remember to always put yourself first and have enough self esteem to know what’s good for you.
Then of course there is our natural, cave-man, hunter/gatherer instincts ingrained in our very genes. According to Charles Darwin’s ‘survival of the fittest theory’, as human beings it is natural for us to be attracted to the most genetically strong mate or the alpha male/female who would produce the strongest offspring. This theory, coined ‘natural selection’ by Darwin, is based on his studies and discoveries while researching animals on Galapagos Island…basically coming to the conculsion that we evolved humans are mere animal species with natural animal instincts and urges!
At the end of the day, we can’t really help who we are attracted to, especially if you fall in love at first site. However we can help it if it has a negative effect on us or people around us. We can help it our ‘type’ is a mistake that we’re making over and over again and not bringing any happiness or positivity into our lives. All we need is self control and some self respect; precious commodities that unfortunately not all people possess. When choosing a life-long companion, Anthony Robbins once said in his seminar that he urges people not to marry someone they desire. Obviously physical attraction is an important aspect in a relationship, however it’s just one aspect and having the sense to distinguish between love and lust is very important.
So I shall leave you with some rosie tips for attracting your Mr or Mrs Right type:
- This might sound corny, but write a checklist in your journal of your dream man or woman – put it out there what you want and let the universe do the rest – remember the law of attraction!
- Become a good listener – make sure you pick up on the hints in conversation in the early stages , which may potentially become bigger issues down the track
- Assess your ‘types’ both past and present and see if there are any trends you notice. Do you keep falling for the same type of person and it never seems to work out? Learn from and appreciate your past and make the changes necessary for a brighter future with someone better matched for you
- Respect yourself. I know I bang on about this all the time, but I truly believe this is the core of attracting the right person into your life.
- Make sure if you’re committing to someone that the relationship encompasses a healthy balance of friendship, love, laughter, attraction, challenges, affection, similarities and differences
- Don’t be desperate – have faith that the right one will come along when the time is right
What’s your tips to attracting the best person into your life?