Although it has no official definition, sexually compatibility is enormously important to the quality and longevity of your relationship. Even the strongest relationships may struggle with this complex component.
Here are 6 ways to know if you and your partner are sexually compatible. Actually, all of these areas also translate to a healthy overall relationship, so even if you know you check each other’s boxes sexually, these areas can be great to explore to maintain or build a strong relationship.
1. Mutual Respect
First and foremost, sexual compatibility comes down to working together, compromising, and respecting each other.
A compatible partner will care about your enjoyment, needs, and pleasure as much as your own — both in terms of your sex life and life in general. That care and respect are what helps keep a relationship going.
2. Instant Attraction
While it will take some time to get comfortable and familiar with one another, some signs of sexual compatibility happen right away. Sometimes, a couple will feel sparks fly the first time they meet. In this case, chances are strong that you will have sexual compatibility.
If you find yourself flirting, imagining what that person would be like in bed or feel your heartbeat getting faster or your temperature rising, these are undeniable signs of a strong sexual attraction.
3. Both of You Are Clear on What You Want
Self exploration is a key aspect of finding a partner who you are sexually compatible with. If you are not sure what you want, how can you know if you find it?
This does not necessarily mean you need a lot of sexual partners to find out what you want. However, some degree of sexual exploration can be helpful. Masturbation is also an invaluable tool for finding out exactly what you like, gaining confidence in yourself, becoming more comfortable with yourself, and learning about your body.
If you and your partner both know what you are looking for and what you like, you are that much closer to bedroom compatibility.
4. Open, Honest Communication
Along with knowing what you want, it is important to feel comfortable sharing your needs and desires with your prospective partner. It can be helpful to discuss what sex means to each of you and what your expectations are.
For some people, sex is all about connection and intimacy. For others, it is about exploration, pleasure, and adventure. For some, it is a mix of both. Some people prefer consistency in their sex life and sticking to the same positions or places. Some need sex once or twice a day and others are happy with once a week.
Some people may want to approach sex in a different or specific way due to trauma. Being able to discuss these needs and expectations clearly with one another is absolutely crucial to becoming sexually compatible.
Consider having in-depth, thoughtful, honest discussions that cover questions such as:
- How often do you like to have sex?
- What kind of sex do you like?
- What are your favourite positons?
- What turns you on?
- What are your fantasies?
- Do you like to stick to the bed or couch or do you like having sex in new places?
- Do you have any past sexual traumas?
- Do you like to use any toys?
- Do you like a lot of foreplay?
- Do you have a favourite time of day you prefer sex (morning or night) or are you always up for it?
- What are your boundaries?
- Do you like anal play?
Along with helping to build your sexual compatibility, these conversations will also bring you closer as a couple. If you and your partner can have caring, productive, honest talks about sex, it is a wonderful sign that you are compatible both sexually and in other ways.
5. Willingness to Compromise
It is highly unlikely that two people will have exactly the same needs. That is completely okay and normal. It doesn’t mean your relationship is automatically doomed to bad sex.
Part of achieving long term sexual compatibility is finding an enjoyable middle ground and being willing to give and take. For example:
- Do you generally enjoy the same positions or does every position your partner wants to try feel like a compromise to you?
- Are you happy having sex if your partner needs it, even if you weren’t necessarily in the mood?
- Are you willing to consider your partner’s needs before your own from time to time? Is your partner willing to consider your needs before their own on occasion?
If you are both willing to work with any differences in needs that come up and work together to compromise or find a solution, chances are you have strong sexual compatibility. However, if there is no overlap from either one of you when it comes to considering wants and needs, your long term compatibility may be in trouble.
6. Willingness to Put in Work
Maintaining a spicy, exciting sex life takes work from all partners. If your partner is not willing to compromise now, what do you expect 10 or 20 years from now?
Keeping that spark alive takes perseverance and effort to keep things intimate and enjoyable. If you are both willing to put in the work to keep your sex life interesting and fulfilling, that is a great sign of compatibility now and for years to come.
Like any aspect of a relationship, respect, willingness to compromise, and honest communication are all essential to a healthy, fun sex life.
Are you struggling sexually with your partner? If so, please understand this is a common issue that couples have to work through and it is possible to overcome. I invite you to join me in my private Facebook group, a safe, sacred space for asking questions (nothing is off limits), sharing concerns, and feeling supported.
You can also browse my blog containing dozens of blogs dedicated to all things sex, empowerment, and self-love. And please let me know if there is ever a certain topic or question you would like addressed in an upcoming blog.