Have you ever found yourself frustrated because you didn’t orgasm? Wished you were having more sex? Struggling to connect intimately with your partner? Frustrated with your partner’s sexual performance? Then you have experienced sexual frustration, a feeling that is probably far more common than you realise.
In this blog post, we’ll look at possible causes of sexual frustration, tips for dealing with it, and why communication with your partner is critical.
What Are the Causes of Sexual Frustration?
While it affects everyone differently and may have any number of causes, here are some of the most common:
- Orgasm frustrations (lack of orgasm, lack of multiple orgasms, lack of intense orgasms)
- Not having as much sex as you want
- Lack of arousal
- Experiencing shame for the type of sex you are having, want to have, or have had in the past
- Lack of satisfaction
- Frustration with your body’s performance
- Frustration with your partner’s performance
- Wanting to have sex but not having someone to have it with
- Wanting sex with a partner that does not want it
How Common Is Sexual Frustration?
Sexual frustration is extremely common and normal, so it is important to know that you are not alone. Almost everyone, regardless of sexuality or gender, will experience some degree of sexual frustration at some point during their life.
Movies and television shows that make us believe we should be having earth-shattering sex every time can create unrealistic expectations that increase our chance of feeling sexually frustrated.
How Do I Know If I Am Sexually Frustrated?
Think about your sex life and write down the first words that come to your mind. Do you think of words like ‘fun’, ‘passionate’, ‘adventurous’, ‘fulfilling’, ‘awesome’, ‘satisfying’? Or do words like ‘frustrated’, ‘boring’, ‘angry’, ‘resentful’, ‘terrible’, or ‘irritated’.
If you are feeling unhappy with your sex life, first look at the other parts of your life. Are you under immense stress at work? Are you lacking sleep? Have you been skimping on self-care and a healthy diet? All of these may be contributing to your less-than-stellar feelings about sex.
It may also help to ask yourself questions such as:
- Have my partner and I been having less sex than usual?
- Have I been too tired for sex or masturbation?
- Have I been masturbating less?
- Have I been involving myself in risky sexual behavior to get my needs met?
- Have I noticed recent changes in my body that affect my ability to have sex?
- Have I started taking a new medication and noticed sexual side effects from it?
- Are there certain positions, fantasies, toys, etc. that I want to explore but do not feel able to?
- Has my partner turned me down for sex lately?
What Are Some Physical Causes of Sexual Frustration?
If you are feeling like you aren’t up for sex or can’t perform as well, it may help to look at recent physical changes:
- Have you been injured recently?
- Are you dealing with chronic pain?
- Have you been diagnosed with a disease or condition?
- Are you struggling with addiction?
- Are you experiencing gynecological issues?
- Is your partner experiencing any of the above issues?
- Have you or your partner recently had a baby?
- Have you recently started a new medication (certain medications can have effects on orgasm and libido)? If you are experiencing side effects from a new medication, it is important to notify your doctor.
What Are Some Mental Causes of Sexual Frustration?
Dealing with chronic stress, depression, or anxiety can have a negative impact on libido and ability orgasm.
Along with mental and physical issues, sexual frustration may also be the result of simply growing apart from your partner or your toy. If you are dealing with sexual frustration and have ruled out the other physical and emotional factors, it may be time to experiment with a new toy or reevaluate your relationship.
It’s also important to be honest with your partner and communicate gently and clearly about the frustrations you are feeling.
When Should I Ask For Help?
It may be time to speak with a sex therapist if your frustration surrounding sex is:
- Affecting how you treat your partner or others in your life
- Causing you to cheat on your partner
- Causing you to partake in risky or impuslive behavior you wouldn’t otherwise
- Affecting your finances
What If I Want To Have Sex But Can’t?
In some cases the desire and physical ability is there but perhaps a willing partner isn’t. Maybe you and your partner are long distance, perhaps you just broke up, maybe you’ve been single for a while.
In the case of not being able to have sex or being in the process of changing what you want in your sex life, here are some healthy outlets if you are experiencing frustration:
- Masturbate! Take some time to enjoy yourself, explore yourself, find out exactly what you like and don’t like, and rock your own world! If you always use the same method or stroke or technique, try something new. Ever heard of edging? Or have you always stuck to vibrators but have never tried a high-quality wand? Have some fun, take your time, and spoil yourself with self touch.
- Listen to calming, chill music
- Get sweating with some form of physical activity such as HIIT, hot yoga, kickboxing, dance, aerobics — whatever gets your blood pumping and muscles moving. You can’t beat the rush of endorphins that exercise provides.
- Volunteering can shift the focus from yourself to others and is an amazing outlet for dealing with just about any frustration in life.
- Find someone to hug. Embracing another person helps satisfy our need for physical touch, even if it isn’t sexual. The human embrace is powerful and healing.
- Make sure you are taking care of yourself physically – getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, eating right, and exercising. Listen closely to what your body needs.
- Remember that no emotion lasts forever. Be gentle and patient with yourself and be confident you will find a way to move forward in a positive, fulfilling way.
Switch Things Up in the Bedroom
Sometimes switching things up in your sex life can help get you through periods of sexual frustration. Here are some thoughts to consider:
- Is your partner always the one that initiates sex? Try being the one to make the first move.
- Try a new positon
- Have sex in a new place
- Try mutual masturbation
- Role play
Communicate With Your Partner
You may not be the only one feeling sexually frustrated in the relationship. It is imperative to communicate openly and clearly with your partner about how you are feeling and any frustrations you are experiencing.
Are You Dealing With Sexual Frustrations?
Whether you are single, in a new relationship, in a committed relationship, or married, sexual frustration can be extremely tough to deal with.
I’m here to tell you that you are not alone and that it is 100% possible to move from a place of frustration to sexual satisfaction. Trust yourself, stick with it, be gentle with yourself, be honest with yourself, and keep moving forward.
As always, I welcome you to join my private Facebook group dedicated to all things sex, empowerment, and embracing your femininity. This group provides a safe space to ask questions, hear from other women going through similar things, and gain confidence in your sexuality.
Wishing you love, light, and progress.