Are You Relying on Your Vibrator Too Much? Try These Tips Instead for a Deeper, More Empowered Sex Life

My entire passion and mission in life revolves around supporting women and encouraging them to fully embrace themselves and celebrate their sexuality.

While I always applaud women who explore, experiment and do what works for them, I wanted to bring awareness to the potential pitfalls of over-reliance on vibrators.

What Is A Vibrator?

Simply put, a vibrator is a device used for sexual stimulation, particularly of the clitoris or other erogenous zones. Not surprisingly, it vibrates in order to provide the stimulation.

Can Vibrators Lead To Issues?

Although they are unrealistic — penises, fingers, and tongues do not vibrate — vibrators can be a useful tool when used appropriately. However, there are potential caveats when vibrators are overused.

1. Vibrators Bypass the Joy of the Journey

First, let’s tackle this idea that sex is only pleasurable, meaningful, or fulfilling if an orgasm is achieved.

This idea stems from the thought that if men can quickly and easily orgasm, but his partner can’t, something is wrong with her. Please, if you take away anything from this article, eliminate this thought-process from your life!

Women experience arousal and sex differently than men — and it’s a beautiful thing! In order to enjoy sex, most women need to feel sexy, have longer foreplay, and enjoy a relaxed, winding road to pleasure.

I’ve said it before and it’s always worth reiterating: focusing on an orgasm as the only goal of sex is a sure way to ruin the experience, place unnecessary pressure on yourself, and lead to frustration.

With a vibrator, some women feel more “equal” to their partner if they can orgasm quickly. Male orgasm. Check. Female orgasm. Check. What’s the harm in that?

Although a vibrator can help a woman orgasm easier and quicker, it eliminates the journey and all the enjoyment and self-awareness that comes with it. Vibrators also promote a ‘genital sneeze’ orgasms versus a deep vaginal orgasm.

2. Lack of Empowerment

If you had yet to experience your first orgasm and were able to achieve one with a vibrator – wonderful!

They can certainly be a great tool for exploring and learning. But relying on one takes away from a woman’s knowledge about her body and her abilities to orgasm on her own and experience the many different types of orgasms!

Understanding, exploring, and appreciating your body can bring about a deep connection between yourself and your partner that is absolute magic!

3. Lack of Studies on Long-Term Effects of Vibrators

The potential long-term effects of vibrators are not completely understood. Yes, vibrator quality is continually improving, but enough women have become so reliant on their vibrators that there is a term for it: vibrator dependency.

Reliance on a vibrator can de-sensitise the clitoris, making it necessary to use it for longer periods of time and on stronger settings to get off. Of further concern, the nerve-packed genitals are extremely sensitive and delicate. Could these be nerves and tissues be damaged with repeated, fast, hard movements? We do not necessarily know the answer to this.

4. Intimacy Barrier

If a woman feels she must reach for her vibrator to get off, it can become a barrier between partners in the bedroom. This can lead to insecurities on the partner’s part, frustration, and a host of other issues.

Tips For Enhancing and Enjoying Sex Without a Vibrator

If you feel like you depend on your vibrator too much — or if you are simply looking for some ways to enjoy sex more — try these tips to tap into your sexual power.

1. Relax

Sex toys can absolutely be a wonderful form of exploration and self-discovery. So get rid of any shame or frustration you are feeling if you feel stuck in a rut with your vibrator.

View this as a fun chance to explore, learn more about yourself, and switch things up!
Perhaps you will even discover through exploring different techniques or positions that you enjoy penetration or manual stimulation even more than your vibrator.

2. Take It Slow

Slowing things down in the bedroom can have a host of benefits. Practicing slow sex — a technique where the penis is simply held in the vagina in complete stillness — may bring about subtle sensations that you never even realised were possible. If you can’t feel anything at all, do not worry. It may take time to recognise these ultra-subtle sensations.

3. Turn on Your Body AND Mind

Complete arousal includes psychological and physical stimulation. Relying on a vibrator can switch on the physical switch of arousal, but don’t forget to turn your mental switch on as well.

Rather than just being physically ready, turning on your mind makes you fully present. Some ideas for turning on your brain include:

• Replaying a favourite sexual experience from your past
• Exploring your fantasies
• Erotic reading
• Telling your partner your fantasies
• Listening to your partner’s fantasies
• Watching your partner pleasure themselves

4. Watch Your Feelings, Lifestyle, and Health for Clues

Certain factors such as your health, fatigue levels, your mood, and more, can affect your orgasm potential. This is true for men as well, but to a lesser degree.

It can be helpful to pay attention to which things affect your ability to orgasm and switch it up if necessary. You may even consider journaling to keep track of which factors need to be present — or not — to set up the perfect orgasm scenario for you.

5. Don’t Underestimate the Pleasure Power of Your Own Hands

Your fingers hold unlimited pleasure potential. Need some pointers on where to start? Try placing your middle and pointer finger on your clitoris and clitoral hood, then move your fingers slowly in circular motions. Try softer pressure, deeper pressure, slow strokes, fast strokes, side to side instead of circular strokes — anything that feels good!

Once you find the right pace and pressure, maintain the rhythm and enjoy yourself. You may even bring yourself to climax. If so, great! If not, still great! It may take patience to find that perfect touch and rhythm, but each time you try you are connecting to yourself and learning more about your body. Enjoy the thrill of building arousal slowly and steadily and soon you will increase your sexual awareness.

Bonus: The better you know your own body, the easier it is to show or tell your partner exactly what you like!

6. Turn Down the Settings

If you rely heavily on your vibrator and find it hard to switch to manual stimulation, try easing into it. If you are used to an electric vibrator, consider switching to a battery-powered option that is less intense or a variable-speed vibrator on the lowest setting.

Within a few sessions, you should notice increased sensitivity and find it easier to get in the mood without using the strongest settings.

7. Use Your Hands and a Vibrator Together

Another way to ease into different forms of pleasure is by including your vibrator in your exploration. Try using a low-vibration to get aroused and then using your fingers to finish.

Mix up the order of the two, how long you use each method, and hopefully, you’ll be on your way to new levels of pleasure.

Need More Inspiration For How to Use Your Vibrator Less?

How do you feel about your relationship with your vibrator? If you feel like it needs a little revamping, I hope you found these tips helpful. Again, whatever works and feels good for you is all that matters.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to reach out, check out my blog, or join my private Facebook group where no topic is off-limits.